The Ten Goofiest James Bond Moments - Mania.com



Movies Feature

10 Comments | Add

 

Rate & Share:

 

Related Links:

 

Info:

  • Series:

The Ten Goofiest James Bond Moments

They go beyond camp, beyond kitsch.

By Rob Vaux     November 14, 2008


James Bond (Roger Moore) and JW Pepper (Clifton James).
© MGM/UA

As Daniel Craig continues to take the Bond franchise by storm, it's easy to forget that 007 hasn't always been at his best. Sexism, racism, embarrassing cultural trends… the series' durability has preserved them all for future generations to point at and laugh. And a few very special moments transcend even the lame excuse of fad and fashion. They go beyond camp, beyond kitsch, beyond all good sense into the realm of the truly ridiculous. If Craig and Casino Royale represent Bond at his smash-mouth best, then these moments… well, it would be cruel to say they aren't fun, but they're fun for all the wrong reasons. Here are ten of the goofiest moments lovingly mined from forty-five years of James Bond films.

10. Joe Don Baker's Tush (Goldeneye)
A little flesh is par for the course with 007, but some derrieres are more welcome than others. Baker's Jack Wade really didn't need to bare it all--especially as part of a lame bit of comedy whereby Pierce Brosnan's Bond has to identify him by way of a posterior tattoo. The sight of his filthy boxers has a way of shooting all that glitz and glamour in the head, as well as fueling nightmare material for months to come. They wrote off Felix Leiter for this?
 
9. Drag Queen of SPECTRE (Thunderball)
The name Jacques Bouvar (Bob Simmons) does not rank among the great 007 villains. Probably because, after faking his death, he dressed up as his own widow for the funeral. Connery's Bond spots him and follows him back to a nearby chateau, where a fracas ensues. But it's hard to work up much interest when the heavy has been sporting a black slip… and doesn't even sleep with Bond before attacking him.
 
8. The Superfluous Third Nipple (The Man With the Golden Gun)
Q gadgets had their share of low points (see #1, below), but none sported the skeezy freak show curiosity of this little number--a prosthetic nipple requisitioned by Roger Moore's Bond in order to impersonate the titular assassin. Its existence is less cringe-worthy than the prominence it receives in the film. It's simply impossible to avoid, and while Christopher Lee was born to play a Bond villain, that unnecessary bit of knowledge about his character's anatomy turns the rest of the movie into a risible game of Spot the Man Boob.
 
7. Sheriff JW Pepper (Live and Let Die/The Man With the Golden Gun)
Well, dem Duke Boys sure done it this time. They let their inbred cracker cousin JW Pepper (Clifton James) go wanderin' into one o' dem fancy Yeropeen spy capers. Oh he had a grand ole time hasslin' the local ethnic stereotypes an' generally stinkin' up the joint like a dead polecat. An' they let him back agin fer the next film to boot! Some people just ain't got sense enough to know what they stepped in, do they?
 
 

Christopher Walken as Max Zorin in A VIEW TO A KILL.

6. The Plummeting Crash Test Dummy (A View to a Kill)
This shtick was a staple throughout the Moore Bonds, but it reached its dubious climax in A View to a Kill when Max Zorin (Christopher Walken) drops an uncooperative flunkie off of his blimp. The camera follows the man's fall into San Francisco Bay… allowing audiences to clearly perceive that he's nothing but a crudely inarticulate dummy. The very real scream looped in over the soundtrack only heightens the absurdity, as well as ruining Walken's beautiful follow-up ("anyone else want to drop out?") for all time.
 
5. Mini-Me Played Straight (The Man With the Golden Gun)
He's mean. He's nasty. He fits into most overhead compartments. And this time, he's supposed to be taken seriously. He's Nick Nack (Herve Villechaize), the dwarf servant of Francisco Scaramanga. A three-foot-tall killer presents a cornucopia of mocking opportunities--the logistical problems alone merit a space on this list--but Mike Myers trumped all comers by making the notion a central part of the Austin Powers movies. Just plant your hand on the little guy's forehead JB: he's never going to get that knife near you.
 

Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd from DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER.

 
 
4. Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd (Diamonds Are Forever)
It wasn't enough to make these two assassins creepy. The producers of Diamonds Are Forever had to bring bad taste into the equation by explaining their creepiness away as homosexuality. In the original novel, Ian Fleming used it as a garnish to their characters: hinted at, but never dwelt upon. The film version makes rampant mincing the order of the day. From their first scene when they clasp hands and giggle about how unattractive women are to an appalling late moment when Mr. Wint shrieks with glee as Bond roughs up his bathing-suit area, it all screams bad fratboy joke. And do they skip away from their kills?! At least they're diverting attention from Connery's advancing age…
 
3. I Think I'm Turning Japanese, I Really Think So (You Only Live Twice)
Ugly racial caricatures were par for the course in the early Bond films, but they reached farcical levels with Tiger Tanaka's (Tetsuro Tamba) "elite ninja force" here. The film itself is actually one of the series' better efforts, no thanks to its silly training scenes, secret ninja compound, passive geisha girls, and the piece de resistance: Connery's Bond made up to resemble a Japanese fisherman. It may have signaled the moment when camp finally trumped the more serious elements of the character, holding uncontested sway until Timothy Dalton came along twenty years later.
 
2. Moonraker
All of it. The whole thing. Jaws' girlfriend, the exploding bolas, the sad, desperate attempt to cram Bond into the Star Wars craze… yeah, best just burn this one down and build something beautiful in the ashes.
 
 
 

A version of James Bond's famous Aston Martin with light-emitting polymer skin that turned it completely invisible.

1. The Magic Invisible Car (Die Another Day)
The toys from Q branch always fought against advancing technology in the real world. The best of them--say, the attaché case in From Russia With Love--worked because they kept things simple and thus retained a certain timelessness. The worst of them tried to ape the most recent Sharper Image catalogue and thus stamped themselves with an embarrassingly quick expiration date. In an effort to head that off, the producers of Die Another Day took a leap into the truly ridiculous: a version of Bond's famous Aston Martin with "light-emitting polymer skin" that turned it completely invisible. They should have sprung for the deluxe model--the one with Harry Potter in the trunk.
 

(Special thanks to all the folks who contributed their advice and insight to this article.)

COMMENTS AND RESPONSES

Showing items 1 - 10 of 10
1 
DarkXid 11/14/2008 12:48:39 PM

I admit seeing ANY part of Joe Don Baker's ass is pretty uncalled for in a movie, but I don't remember seeing much of anything really. I mean maybe I've blocked it out from memory, I have a copy of the movie I could go back and look, but I’m not watching Goldeneye to see how much of Joe’s ass I can see. I recall it was a small patch of skin you could just pretend it was his underarm.


I actually kind of thought that bit was kind of funny. Lame? Oh, yes.


I think “Die Another Day” should just be listed completely like you did for Moonraker.


I loved Goldeneye, (I must really be blocking that scene), the second two follow ups were okay, but not great, “Die Another Day,” ughh, I was starting to think “where’s Timothy Dalton when you need him? “


And I hear that is bad thing to start thinking.

 

 

Maybe Mitchell does deserve the number 10 spot afterall.

DarkQuickening 11/14/2008 1:19:47 PM

I have to disagree about Moonraker.   As I get older I am really appreciating Moonraker more and more.   It is a wildly fun movie with great characters and a great plot to wipe out the human race and start over.   Also the score by John Barry is so awesome, it even makes the Space Marines battle dramatic.    

mutantlexi 11/14/2008 1:47:09 PM

 The problem is, with your #1, it's actually becoming more and more probable as time progresses. Both US and UK military and civilian projects are bringing it closer to reality. 

Hobbs 11/14/2008 1:47:37 PM

Rip Moonraker all you want (and it deserves it) but that was one of the most successful Bond movies until Pierce came along. 

I never expect Gone With The Wind moments in Bond movies. I go to be entertained and Bond has been doing that for years. I liked the invisible car and you knew someone was going to crash into it. Plus that was another Bond movie that made a ton of money.

I guess I would suggest sticking to Bourne movies if Bond is too cheesy for you.  Eventually the gadgets are typical Bond moments are going to makes it way back into the films. 

jppintar326 11/14/2008 3:48:12 PM

I loved Moonraker.  I am tired of it being ridiculed.  If you want to stop to think about things, don't go to a James Bond film.  As for J W Pepper, the character was obviously put in to counteract the perceived racism in Live and Let Die.  After all, many of the villains in the movie were black and the producers needed to make sure the film wasn't too racist.  I think Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd were great villains.  The way they say they're lines make them humorous.  They come across much better than the overrated Pussy Galore, one of the most annoying Bond girls ever after Denise Richard's idiotic nuclear physicist.  Why wasn't Denise Richards put on the list?  She should be #1!!!  WORST BOND GIRL EVER!!!!!

cmj 11/14/2008 5:16:49 PM

lol, okay, i have to come clean and just say it. I have a fondness for all of those corny bits. I suppose it's because I saw them all when I was a kid in elementary school, staying up late to watch the ABC Bond nights. My brother and I loved the comedy parts, and as an adult, I still don't hate them. Even though I like the new Bond series, and I realize they're closer to the novels, I miss the gadgets and Q and martinis and classic one liners.

I think what happens sometimes is that when we see movies as kids, we like all the fun bits, and grow up with a fondness for them. If I had been an adult when View To a Kill came out, maybe I'd have thought it was more cheesey than I do. I don't think DIe Another Day was great, but conversely, if I had been nine when it came out, I'd probably love it. I think it's the same for other movies, like with the Ewoks. They were our favourite characters when my brother and I were little, and as an adult I was surprised to hear how people hated them and hoped they were going to be Wookies. Or Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. People trash it for having preposterous things, yet how is it any more preposterous than Temple of Doom. I know little kids who absolutely love Crystal Skull, and probably always will. But if an Indy movie comes out when they're 30, they'll hate it and call it corny ;) 

almostunbiased 11/14/2008 5:59:02 PM

I get tired of people ripping on Tim Dalton.  His firs movie was awesome.  One of the best stories of all the movies, and the dude was kick ass.  I don't see the problem.

lracors 11/15/2008 7:13:48 AM

Dalton's 1st film was decent much better then the recent Moore films.  Actually OHMSS wasn't bad either once you get past the stigmata of George as Bond.

Anyway, for this list Denise Richards was the most unbelievable bond girl I hands down agree with that.  I remember cringing seeing Connery turn Japanese, Sorry Wint & Kidd cracked me up.  Moonraker should still be the #1 embarassment of a film then followed by the invisible car and goofy race against the laser ice sequence for such a great beginning film sequence, it ended horribly.  I could go on and on about Bond but most of the rest of this list I agree with.  Allthough Grace Jones "Bond She-Male" WOW can you say creepy... trumps Wint & Kidd.

evildeadexorcist 11/15/2008 3:35:24 PM

I think you should add all of Casino Royale.  I think it is the worst 007 film of all time.  People complain about Dalton being too serious in his movies but, Craig is so dull and serious, he makes the veiwer almost fall asleep.  The whole re-imaging of a more realistic Bond seems to be nothing more than an attempt to cash in on the serious mood of the Bourne movies.  Brosnan was doing just fine as Bond as indicated by Die Another Day's box office.  If he had returned for a fifth film, I am sure it would have been the first 007 to pass the $200 million mark.  Count me out on any of the new Bonds until the fun nature of the films returns.

Flint521466 11/15/2008 8:11:33 PM

  "Mr. Wint" was played by Bruce Glover who is Crispin Glover's old man

1 

ADD A COMMENT

You must be logged in to leave a comment. Please click here to login.

POPULAR TOPICS