Maniac Grade: F-
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Rob Zombie's Halloween
September 04, 2007
SPOILERS! If you can call them that.
" I will crawl over there, and I will skull-f^** the Sh!t outta you!"
Yep, this is where I started really regretting watching this movie. I love the Halloween franchise, I even watch the sequels, no matter how horrible they are. However, Rob Zombie's Halloween is just retarded and useless!
The movie starts with a young chubby michael myers in his room playing with his pets, you know he will kill them....as this will be his decent. However, the whole back story on how Michael Myers because a sadistic killer is uninteresting. He kills his pets, he kills cats and then he kills a boy at school. Yet, he is "pushed" over the edge because he cannot go trick or treating? MACARONI AND CHEESE that is dumb. He was already pushed. He was gonna kill them no matter what, didn't matter if it is halloween or a bar mitzvah, he is gonna kill them! I have to admit, I did not expect much from the acting since this is a Rob Zombie film, but seriously, Rob needs to learn how to capture emotion. I read and hear how rob Zombie is a huge fan of the old horror movies, yet I do not see any of that on the big screen. Every death in this movie is boring, not scary and unimaginative, but it is mostly GROSS...fun. We know who is going to die next and we know how. Knife or hands.....mostly knife. I am not saying make the deaths like Final Destination, but give us some surprise. SCARE US! I have seen blood, and I have seen a person's inside, that is not scary it is gross....TWO DIFFERENT THINGS.
As for the movie, there is not much to it. MM kills more people as a child in the re-imaging. What makes me laugh is that MM is growing up with a stripper mom and a step-dad who is disabled and and a fouled mouth prick (actually, almost everyone is foul-mouthed) in a nice neighborhood? How is this? If they are growing up in a slum then how did this slum become the perfect neighborhood in the future? Doesn't make a lot of sense. Also, after MM kills his sister, her "boyfriend" and his step-dad, he is protective of his baby sister? Then goes after her, and knows EXACTLY who she is when he escapes. How? Are they using the telepathic thing from the sequels? Another issue I have with this movie is that MM being analyzed and shown "why" he because what he because makes the movie less scary. What is scary about the original is that it was a mystery on why he killed his sister. He just did it. And then never talked again. Then, MM breaks out of prison at night and no one knows how. Freaky stuff. The way he breaks out of prison in RZ version sickens me. The rape scene was uncalled for and horrific. It made me want to puke. It had no rhyme or reason to it. RZ wanted to see a chick get raped and he put it in there.....kinda sick.
One great thing Zombie added was the masks, I liked the idea of how he became obsessed with masks. I did not like the new mask, though, just didn't feel right. Another thing that made me laugh? Is when Laurie Strode is studying with her friends and she sees MM Standing outside looking up at them. Does Laurie say anything? Nope, she is like whatever....Yeah right. I would be like guys look at this freak....looks psycho! The music was the same, but I did like how RZ did not use it at the beginning, but used it as an emotional point. But that could have been the composer, who knows.
Malcolm McDowell was a horrible choice for Loomis. I like him, he is a great actor, but he didn't even try in this movie, he just wanted it to be over with. Laurie Strode is not even a main character and that is irritating. How do we get attached? Because I sure as hell not gonna feel sorry fro MM. Honeslty, the foul and inappropriate language was just sad. Who talks like that? Seriously? Even when you are with your friends, no one is that vulgar. Anyone can write the F word or call someone a bitch. But is it necessary in a movie that is already about death? What does the profanity and the vulgar rape scene add to this movie? NOTHING!
Anyone here like nudity? ME TOO!! But I do not like nudity when I see a bloody chick running around for ten minutes. I hated those scenes. RZ has a twisted sexual desire. One more thing RZ, do not cast your WIFE anymore. She cannot act, she used to be pretty, and the suicide scene? YAWN! What is it with RZ and Trailer trash? the whole attraction of the ORIGINAL Halloween is that MM killed for NO reason. He was Pure evil. Not bread this way, BORN this way. That is what is appealing in John Carpenter's version. If I could give this a -0 times a billion, I would, but sadly it is A-F. I give it an F-----------, but Mania only provides F-.
I am sorry, but this movie was not scary and uninteresting. It was gross and over the top and it has to be the worse film I have seen all year. I had to wait an hour to see MM. This was unacceptable. And they way MM dies is laughable. Oh, and the box office 'Record" is a bunch of crap. If Spidey 3 or Transformers opened over Labor Day Weekend, you better believe it would be in the 100 millions, but Halloween barely scrounges up 26 mil and it is a success? Talk about low expectations. I paid 12 bucks for my ticket, it went up from 10 at the beginning of this year to 12. So yeah, less people, but such high ticket prices, more money. Good job RZ.
I had to watch the original Last night just to wash my eyes of the crap that was laid upon me. I forgot just how good the original is. Thank goodness the Original cannot be taken away. I would rather watch Halloween: Resurrection than this Garbage. That is the honest truth.
tC Click here to read the staff review by Mania.