Spider-man 3: The Dance Musical - Mania.com

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Spider-man 3: The Dance Musical

May 07, 2007

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In no way is this "review" in order. I am just pointing out what is wrong with the movie.

Where to begin, how to begin to break down a movie that people gathered in herds to watch but were left with a nasty taste in their mouth? Did people like the movie? I am sure there are people who loved the movie. Individuals who thought it was the best movie out of the trilogy (if it truly is the last movie, which I doubt it is.) and want to see it over and over. However, this is my opinion, I think most people were so caught up in the hype and the fact that it is SPIDER-MAN that they loved the movie no matter what. It can happen, it has happened to me. It has happened with Superman Returns, I been on numerous threads and found that people are re-editing their comments because they had time to think and absorb the movie and found that Spider-man 3 was not that great. A movie comes to mind that I can give as an example. Star Trek: Nemesis. I could not WAIT for this movie to come out. I avoided all info and news on this movie and bought my ticket and was the first one to watch the movie in my area. I was so hyped to see Nemesis. I watched the movie and LOVED it. I went back and watched THREE more times during the week. Then, it hits me, the movie was HORRIBLE. So many plot holes, so many inconsistencies. Reman? What? What is going on. B4? Okay, now I am mad because I let myself get caught up in something that was not great. It happens all the time with a lot of people.

Okay, lets be honest, everyone here knows that I was critical of Spider-man 3 years before it came out. Just like I was of Superman Returns. Some can argue that I was going to hate the movie regardless if it was great or not. However, that is not how I operate. I LOVE movies. I cannot get enough of them. Movies are great escape for me and a lot of people as well. A lot of people say I know movies, I know what makes a great movie. I truly believe I know movies. When I go to watch Fantastic Four, am I looking for great acting and great story-telling? No, I am looking for fun and great action. The first Spider-man set the bar for comic-book movie. It was deep, well acted and had some good action scenes. Spider-man 2 ( In my opinion, one of the greatest comic-book movies after Superman) Set the bar even higher and showed that action and story can be perfectly mixed together. Spider-man 3 did not do that. It tried to do too many things at once and failed int he process. Many will say, well how did Spider-man 3 make 148 million at the box-office? Easy, it is Spider-man. People want to see it. Regardless if others say do not waste your money, people are going to rush and watch the movie. It has Venom for goddness sake!

What is wrong with the movie? Many issues are present when it comes to Spiderm-man 3. First, the tone and feel are completey different. Peter Parker is happy, he is going to ask Mary Jane to marry him. Harry knows Peter Parker is Spider-man and hates him for "killing" his father. One scene that really angered me is the way the symbiote was introduced. Peter and Mj are watching shooting stars whilst laying on one of Spidey's webs. Not far from them a meteorite crash and the black symbiote ooze crawls out and at the exact same moment as Peter and MJ get on his little scooter the symbiote attaches itself to the bike. Seriously, Peter and MJ didn't hear the meteorite? No Spidey sense (we will get more indepth with the spidey sense later)? It must have been one of the most quiet and soft landing in the history of earth. Moving on, MJ is a musical play. She is not the start according to the billing, but she has a solo during the play which we get to actually LISTEN too for about 4 minutes. Peter is in the front row in awe of his one true love, and Harry is in the balcony watching MJ and then giving Peter the stink-eye. After the play, Peter feeds MJ's ego and is loving his life. One anoying thing about the movie can be pointed to the villians. There are FOUR villains. Peter Battling himself, New Goblin (or goblin Jr. as Peter Parker so kindly put it) Sandman and the supporting character Venom. In one sequence, we see the Symbiote attach itself to Peter;s bike then Harry getting ready with his Dad's Goblin toys, then next it is Sandman running from the police. One villian after another. Quick, pointless and has no meaning at all. How does Sandman become Sandman? Well here is a quick note. Sam Raimi in many interviews has stated that he hates the character Venom because he has no depth and he is nothing more than eye-candy. Yeah, and the Sandman is filled to the brim with backstory. Raimi also stated he likes the comics of yesteryear and does not like the new versions as much. He also stated that Venom would never be in his Spider-man movies as long as he is directing them. So, taking his word might be difficult. Moving along, Raimi likes Sandman (real name Flint Marko) because he has depth and a great backstory. Okay, I do not agree with that, but he can make Sandman work if he truly wants to use him as a primary Villian (And ONLY villian). What does Raimi do? Make up his own back story. Why? Why didn't he show that Sandman was a small time crook and liar and then became part of the Mob as a even filthier crook? Soon turning bitter and more and more Violent? What is with the Kid and the kid dying? We are supposed to feel compassion for Sandman, but at the same time, he seems like a very uninspired supporting character. Now, how Sandman became to be, he is running from police and jumps a fence falls into what seems a huge hole with sand at the bottom and is a bit confused, as was most of the audience. Then we cut to a testing facility that is about to run a scientific procedure when one of the techs state that there is an unknown mass int the chamber. Another tech responds, it is probably a bird, it will fly out when the machinces is turned on. It has been a while since I was Biology, but I am very positive that a BIRDS mass is EXACTLY the same mass as a HUMAN. I must have completey forgot that. So Flint is stuck in this sandbox with spinning turbines (or are they Warp Nacelles?) and his mocelular cells are bonded with the sand. Yep, that is it. We get a scene of Flint Marko running from the police and then talking to his family that disowned him so we can somehow get an emotional connection and then he is sandman. Whip, bam, BOOM, instant villian.

We also have a very long and Horribly executed fight between Harry and Peter. They fight and battle through New York and then Peter Defeats Harry by almost killing. Then Peter takes him to the hospital and Voila! Harry has Amnesia, yep the classic Soap Opera tactic. Harry forgets Peter :"killed" his Dad and basically anything bad at all, in fact he is super duper happy!!!! Now, mary Jane is having a few troubles with her play, seems that critics do not like her singing. Peter tries to console her and says that people HATED Spider-man but it takes time and now he is LOVED. MJ is mad and says that it is not about him but about her. Now, here is where it gets DUMB. MJ is mad at Peter because he is the Famous Spider-man, which only a few people know about. she is so self-absorbed that she doesn't realize that Peter saved her ass a few hundred times and that she could take some of his advice.

So we go to another odd scene. A crane is breaking and Gwen Stacy is in danger. Now the father of Gwen Stacy is the Chief of police and is there not knowing his daughter is in danger. The crane cannot be trned off and the Chief tells them to turn of the power to the block. Now, I must be new to power, but a lot of construction equipment is powered  directly into the cities mainframe. In know way could you cut power to the skyscraper crane ither than cutting power to the whole block. Spider-man rescues Stacy (nope, no breaking neck) and we see Eddie Brock there (topher grace is not a good Eddie Brock in ANY way.) and he happens to be by the Chief and he tells him Gwen is the one falling to her death and then says, oh, by the way I am dating your daughter. YAWN.

So MJ and Peter are fighing. Spider-man had the key of the city given to him by Gwen Stacy and in a really dumb and idiotic move by the director, Spider-man tells Gwen to kiss him because the audience will love it (remember, he doesn't have the symbiote attached to him yet.) SO exactly like MJ kissed him in that very awesoem rain scene, Gwen kissed Peter. MJ is of course watchig this as she was invited and Peter knows she is there. Why would it be okay for them to kiss? They are trying to make drama where in no way would that really happen? In the only great scene in the movie, with of course, Bruce Campbell, Peter is going to propose to MJ with his Aunt's Wedding ring. So he is in a french restaurant and Bruce Campbell is HILARIOUS has the host. He was the great part in this movie. Of course MJ is mad and is questing the kiss (when you would question much sooner than that) and she leaves. Yep, she leaves. Then, Peter and Aunt may are called to the Police department. Well, it would seem that Uncle Ben was killed by Flint Marko, not the other dude. Even thought the first movie confirmed it was only one guy and it was the guy with the balding blinde hair. I think it was a cheap move to make Sandman the killer. Why does EVERY villian have to be connected to Peter Parker? Every Villian is either connected or knows Peter. It gets old. SO Peter and Aunt may learn that Flint is the real killer and Peter is mad. Sounds like perfect timing for the black suit, huh? Well, Peter has a police scanner and he is scanning to see if there is a Sandman (you see Spider-man fought the sandmand earlier when he was given the key to the city. So he know what the sandmand looks like and he now knows it is Flint Marko) For some odd reason, Peter is listening to the scanner in regular clothes, then really late into the night he puts on the spidey suit. Then he falls asleep on the bed. Guess what? The symbiote attacks and bonds with Peter. He is now the Black suited Spiderman. Peter wakes up hanging from a building not knowing how he got there. Does he question it? Nope. The suit feels to good and he is jumping and flapping about. We rarely see Peter in the black suit. Even though it is promoted a lot, we probably see him in the black suit for about 7 minutes tops. Black Spidey then goes after everyone bringin destruction and brutal force. Peter is turning to the dark side. He goes after Sandman and he thinks he kills sandman with water in the sewer. Everything is sweeeet. MJ, however, is feeling lonely because she is not getting the attention she thinks she deserves. She calls Harry and arrives at his house. They start cooking and dancing and then they kiss. MJ leaves because of shear guilt and Harry is mad, and then his Dad talks to him again and Harry Remembers everything in a 4 second memory flash. Now he goes after MJ and forces her to break up with Peter Parker. How? Magic of course. Harry devices a plan to make Peter even madder and comes forth as the reason why MJ broke up with him for another guy, HARRY is the other guy. Peter is realizing the suit is bad and takes it off. When MJ breaks up with him he puts it back on. Peter goes to Harry's place and they fight. Peter throws a pumpkin bomb at AHrry and you think he 'splodes. Peter is bad to the bone and we have a really cheesy and corny tribute to Saturday Night Fever. Peter exposes Eddie Brock as a fake when Eddie photoshops a picture of Spidey stealing money. Eddie is saddened. Then Eddie see's Peter with his gal Gwen and he is enraged (remember, Eddie did not for one second have any concern that Gwen was falling to her death) Then we have Peter taking Gwen to the little shack that MJ sings and waitresses. Peter then does one of the most absurd and uncalled for acts in cinema history. HE DANCE TO JAZZ! Yep, Peter Parker dances to JAZZ! For six minutes! As I stated before, that is one of the things I was SO hoping to see when I was arriving to the theaters. I was thinking that the one thing that Spider-man is missing is spontaneous dancing. Moving on again, Peter gets in a fight with a bouncer and accidently hits MJ (who has not mark on her what-so-ever.) Then Peter realizes it is the suit AGAIN. He goes to the top of a church where Eddie happens to be. Eddie is praying to God to KILL peter parker because he was exposed for being a fake. Talk about drama. Peter gets the symbiote off of him and who happens to be there? Eddie. The symbiote attaches himself to Eddie and he becomes Venom. Now, does Venom look scary? No. Does Venom say "we" or "us" no. Does he have a deep raspy voice? No, he sounds like foreman. Venom has been knocked down to an annoying supporting character that is not even resembling the Venom we have come to love and know. Venom makes an alliance wih Sandman who IS alive. They kidnap MJ, YAWN, and they web her up in a construction site. Spider-man asks for Harry's help, Harry reveals he has a hideous scar!!!! Wait, didn't MJ comment on how his scar from his memory lost accident healed so fast? Then why the scarring? Anyways, Harry refuses to help. Then, Harry's butler comes in with great info. Spider-man didn't kill his Father!!!! Why, if that was only told in the FIRST movie, none of this Harry having revenge would even be happening!

So, spidey is fighting Venom and Sandman (horrible affects for sandman by the way) and Spidey is almost killed, but Harry at the last moment comes in to help. YIPPY! Very boring fight scene and very boring story. MJ is falling slowly to her death....as usual. Now, Harry with his glider was melting Sandman and turning him into glass, so why not continue to do that? Or, since there are firetrucks everywhere, then why not Spray him? Sandman is forgotten for some reason and Spidey and Venom fight. Harry helps and even sacrifices himself by throwing himself in front of Peter before Venom can stab Peter. However, why couldn't Harry Just ram into venom? If Harry could get there in time before he was stabbed, then why not just ram the hell outta Venom? So, Peter is devastated by Harry being stabbed and thrown through the air and attachs Venom. He defeats Venom by using pipes as sound weapons and then pulls out Eddie Brock as Venom is going crazy by the vibrations Spidey is making. Then SPidey throws a pumpkin bomb at the symbiote and Eddie doesn't want that to happen and runs to join the Symbiote. Then it explodes leaving a small residue of the symbiote. Then Sandman shows up out of the blue. Says he is sorry and tells how Peter's Uncle really died. Peter forgives him and Sandman is on his way in a huge dust cloud. Now we are at a funeral, for who we do not know. It is made to be believed that it is Harry, but There are people at the funeral who do not even know Harry and it is more likely it was Eddie Brocks Funeral. The next scene is Peter going to the restaurant where MJ works and he takes her hand. Then the movie is over.

The movie lacked originality and depth. This movie cost 250+ million to make and I did not see that. Nothing was memorable in the movie. No action scene was memorable. The train scene in spidey 2 is a great example, that scene kicked ass, it stuck in my head. It had action emotion and suspense. No action scene in Spidey 3 had that. What is the movie supposed to be? Action, Suspense, Horror, Comedy, romance, Musical, dance, or superhero? Pick one or a few, not every genre. I am surprised there was no western elements or time travel. Wait, the opening credits count as time travel. What is with the crying? Everyone was crying ALL the time. Was I watching a soap opera or a Superhero flick? One thing is obvious. Raimi has lost his touch. Lets move on. Do not expect Spidey 3 to make a lot of money. It made it's record making money and now people are going to realize it is not worth it. Demoting Venom because Raimi hates the character ( and it shows) and having Venom do nothing other than be a side character is lame. Sandman was not used well either. The movie was more about Peter, Harry and MJ than anything else. 250+ million? Where was that shown? There was more talking, singing and dancing than anything else. It really is sad.

One thing I have to say is that it does not go well with Spidey 1 or 2. I can watch 1 and 2 and they mesh, but after watching spidey 2, 3 just does not belong. 

Sorry for this being so long. I am sure there are mispellings and grammatical errors. However, if you can see pass the crap that is Spider-man 3, then you can see pass my errors as well. Lets hope Simpsons, FF:ROTTS, HP:TOOTP, Die Hard 4, Transformers, Pirates 3, Evan Almighty, Rush Hour 3, and even Ocean's Thirteen are really great and fun movies. I purposely Excluded Shrek the Turd because I hate those movies.


Click here to read the staff review by Mania.


Showing items 1 - 4 of 4
rudewordsmith 5/7/2007 3:07:44 PM
I guess my only question is this: If the funeral was more likely to be Brock's instead of Harry's, why would MJ have been there?MJ didn't know him. It was Harry's, dude.
theCOLLECTOR 5/7/2007 3:21:14 PM
Why was the police chief there? Why was Gwen there? They did not know Harry. It is not for sure anyones funeral.
amatorian 5/7/2007 10:41:30 PM
Just read your review, pretty well put together on the faults and you did the one thing I didn’t (didn’t want to do a spoiler review), you pinpointed the precise reason the movie was bad. Thematically there is nothing wrong with the added depth to Sandman, giving him a needed upgrade. Thematically there is nothing wrong with the struggle between Peter and Harry, or the struggle between Peter and MJ, or the struggle between Peter and himself. The entire movie thematically is perfectly fine. Issues pop up when you look at the pieces, what form the foundations and as a million grains of sand turning into a towering monster we see the monster isn’t that frightening. Personally, from the way the script is, and what I had read, Avi Arad is the reason for Venom and Gwen Stacy being in there. If Raimi isn’t a fan of Venom then cool, I don’t want him doing a story with Venom. He would be far better at working, or in this case, re-working a villain he does enjoy. It seems as if because of one singular alteration to the original script the entire movie suffered in its pieces. When we step back from the movie, see it at a distance, we could be lead into believing it was a good movie. It is possible for our minds to trick us into seeing what we want to. Upon closer inspection, though, we notice that not only does it have flaws but on top of that flaws that destroy a great idea. I gave it a better review than you did because I did enjoy half the movie. A C- for an hour of what in my opinion was good stuff does not help the hour and twenty minutes of shit. I did enjoy the action scenes, but I do agree that there wasn’t one that felt truly inspired like the previous two films had. Especially the train sequence in number two. I did enjoy the movie more than you, but your review reminded me of why I hated it. Maybe I should find a copy of it and re-cut it…see if that helps. Not sure if it could hurt. Take out a bunch of cheese. Or make it cheesier and add in Bonnie Tylers I Need a Hero near the end of the movie. That would make me laugh. As it is that’s about what the movie is worth. A.
theCOLLECTOR 5/8/2007 5:55:21 PM
amatorian, any edit you do will be by far a huge improvement. Maybe you could edit to have just venom in the movie and maybe a scene or two of spidey dancing? That would jazz the place up a bit? When you re-edit your version, PLEASE, post it so we can see what spidey 3 should have been. Yes, I was very disappointed in this movie hopefully a few other movies opening this year gets that bad taste outta my mouth.


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