Toons and BONES

By: David Michael Wharton
Date: Monday, August 22, 2005

It's the last week before the new season begins (some would claim that PRISON BREAK marks that boundary, but ROME seems like a better dividing line to me) and we're in week two of our tour of the new season. Below I'll mouth off about FOX's returning "Animation Domination" block of THE SIMPSONS, FAMILY GUY, and AMERICAN DAD, as well as offering my thoughts on David Boreanaz's return to series television with BONES.


But before that, let's first continue my efforts to keep the STARGATE/FARSCAPE screaming going as long as possible, with as little effort on my part as I can manage. In the spirit of that, here's some more reader mail.



MaryAnn writes: "I read with interest the email from the Farscape fan who found Stargate SG-1 mediocre but was glad her favorites were getting work. Let me give you a different perspective.



"I am greatly impressed by Ben Browder and Claudia Black, and am glad to see them finally cast in a watchable show. I tried to watch Farscape several times, but never managed to get all the way through a single episode -- the series was both boring and impossible to suspend disbelief enough to get into it. (And yes, I am a lifelong fan of both fantasy and sci-fi books, tv, and movies.)



"And more importantly, I am very VERY glad to see Stargate SG-1 "reinvented" rather than cancelled. True, I will miss Richard Dean Anderson, a lifelong favorite of mine, a very great deal. But it was time for him to move on -- without the new casting and new imagining of the show, it would have been over. Using an arc starring guest Claudia Black to pull in new stars Ben Browder and Beau Bridges, and take the entire cast in a different direction *works* -- it feels like real life (Teal'c becoming a diplomat, Daniel and Sam with new jobs...) Now I understand the arc will go in directions pulling Daniel and Sam and Teal'c back in as regulars -- sounds like a plan. And it doesn't even matter if they are members of SG-1 again, as long as they are part of the plot and get screen time.



"For me, the most anticipated "new" show of the season is Stargate SG-1. To steal a phrase, may it "live long and prosper" for as many years to come as it has already."



Well, to mangle a well-known phrase on my own, I may not agree with your opinions, Mary, but I'll sure as hell use them to antagonize my readership. That ought to piss onto the anthill sufficiently for one week, so let's get back to the season preview!






Sunday, September 11



SIMPSONS, FAMILY GUY, AMERICAN DAD - FOX

Fox kicks off its much-ballyhooed "Animation Domination" once more. THE SIMPSONS is…well, it's THE SIMPSONS. It's been the Grand Poobah of prime-time animation for 16 years, and it shows no signs of slowing down anytime soon. Dennis Rodman and Terry Bradshaw will turn up in the annual "Treehouse of Terror" Halloween ep, and Alec Baldwin will log time as a marine biologist who romances Marge. Also, Kelsey Grammer will return again as Sideshow Bob, and THE OFFICE's Ricky Gervais will play a David Brent-esque character who trades places with Homer during a WIFE SWAP-style reality show. After this many years, we all pretty much know what to expect from THE SIMPSONS, and that isn't a bad thing. It may not be the bad boy of TV animation anymore, long having ceded that title to shows like SOUTH PARK or Seth MacFarlane's offspring, but it comfortably reigns supreme in its niche of equal parts smart, character-driven humor and timely satire. Sure, it's been uneven over the years, but even when it's bad, it's still pretty good. And when it's at the top of its game…well, there's a reason this show is entering its 17th season.



Speaking of Seth MacFarlane, he had an awful lot to prove this last season. Not only was his first baby, FAMILY GUY, getting a second (or thereabouts) chance at network life, but he had a brand new series sliding down the birth canal. From the very first scene, it was clear that FAMILY GUY was still at the top of its game, with a brilliant jab at FOX accomplished simply by listing every show commissioned and cancelled between the show's cancellation and return. If that premiere episode faltered a bit with some ill-timed PASSION OF THE CHRIST parody, subsequent episodes more than made up for it, shelling out hyperkinetic pop culture asides and plenty of cruel-and-wrong humor (such as the bit about the time Meg was struck blind, deaf, and dumb and lost her arms and legs). Plus, the new season featured the return of the Giant Chicken Fight, in this instance close to two minutes long, and you can't go wrong with a Giant Chicken Fight. The September 11 episode isn't actually the season premiere, just the return of the show after a hiatus of several weeks. It will be interesting to see if Fox bandies this return with as much hoopla as they did the spring premiere. If nothing else, it seems like a perfect time to pimp the upcoming direct-to-DVD STEWIE GRIFFIN: THE UNTOLD STORY, which streets September 27th.



And then there's AMERICAN DAD. I had plenty of bad things to say about the show when it first premiered, but I'm happy to say it has improved. Has it improved enough? Enough to last? Not so sure about that one. I laughed as hard as anyone at the cloaked, demonic appearance of Karl Rove, cheap shot though it may have been, but isn't it a bad sign that that's pretty much the only moment that stands out in retrospect? I have vague memories of that damn alien being milked to make coleslaw, but that's about it. There are still 10 episodes or so left to air, but DAD had better find its groove soon or it'll face the same cancellation that once swept away FAMILY GUY…and I don't see AMERICAN DAD rising from the ashes.





Tuesday, September 13



BONES - FOX

This season marks the return of quite a few Buffyverse players to regular network gigs. Nicholas "Xander" Brendon will be sautéing and basting things in FOX's KITCHEN CONFIDENTIAL, one of the few sitcoms that actually has some positive buzz attached to it; Alyson "Willow" Hannigan headlines a sitcom with less positive word of mouth going for it, HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER; Charisma "Cordelia" Carpenter will put aside Playboy pictorials to take on a recurring role in this season's VERONICA MARS; James Marsters is losing the bleach job and the accent and becoming Braniac on SMALLVILLE (though both hair and voice may return if the newly surging rumors of a new Spike project prove to be true); and Amy "Fred" Acker will turn up midseason in the David Mamet/Shawn Ryan collaboration, THE UNIT.



And then there's poor David Boreanaz. BUFFY and ANGEL proved that the boy had some chops when it came to brooding and comedy, but BONES was to be his chance to prove his range and step out from the shadow of the vampire with a soul. In BONES, Boreanaz plays Special Agent Seely Booth, an ex-Army sniper who frequently finds himself teaming up with forensic anthropologist and novelist Dr. Temperance Brennan (Emily Deschanel) to solve crimes. Think of it as CSI except the bodies are longer dead. Assisting the implausibly named Seely and Temperance are the good doctor's team of specialists, including a computer expert, a young prodigy, and a fellow who knows an awful lot about bugs. In the pilot episode, these supporting cast make an impression primarily through their eccentricities, which is forgivable since most secondary characters need an episode or two before they begin to show depth.



Most of the weight of the show falls squarely on Boreanaz and Deschanel, whose bickering and verbal sparring will form the story's central relationship: if their relationship works, any faults in the rest of the show might have time to work themselves out. Unfortunately, that relationship doesn't exactly soar to Mulder and Scully heights. Seely Booth is your basic sarcastic alpha male with authority issues, whose job is to make sarcastic comments, mock Brennan's lack of street smarts, and dismiss pretty much any theory that "Bones" (as he calls her) offers up. Brennan, on the other hand, is written just a little too on the nose as a bookish type with little or no knowledge of pop culture or human interaction outside lab and library. It's a relationship that's built upon the time-tested storytelling concept of dissonance, pairing up wildly divergent personality types who nonetheless work better in unison than they do apart (as with everything from Riggs and Murtaugh to Kirk, Spock, and McCoy). However, both characters are hampered by weak writing that doesn't do Boreanaz or Deschanel any favors. Booth and Brennan's antithetical characteristics are overplayed almost into parody, with Booth showing little sign of a layered human being beneath the wisecracks and Brennan's ignorance of the wider world pushing the limits of believability. Booth tries to play Archie Goodwin to Brennan's Nero Wolfe, but neither of them is anywhere near as compelling as Rex Stout's classic literary spawn.



The rest of the pilot is standard fare, with an interesting but not outstanding mystery fueling the plot. Perhaps the most off-putting aspect of the pilot (aside from the occasional groaner amongst the dialogue) is the 3-D holographic display Brennan's team uses to virtually reconstruct the features of the skeleton of a murder victim. The huge, free-floating display would be more at home in an episode of STAR TREK than in a crime procedural, and since the rest of the show's universe seems foursquare in the world of today, this aspect of the show throws a stick in the spokes of the show's momentum.



It's possible that the show's writers and actors will grow into their characters over the next few episodes, but with so many similar shows competing for viewer attention, I'm afraid they may not get the chance. I can feel it in my BONES.





Send all questions, comments, and speculations about my parentage to tvwasteland@cinescape.com. Keep your head and hands inside the television, folks…





MONDAY, AUGUST 22


ONE HOUR PHOTO (7 PM CST, FX) Robin Williams never once launches into a manic improvisational twitch-fit during his remarkably restrained and downright creepy performance as a film processor with an unhealthy obsession towards a client.



UFOS AND THE WHITE HOUSE (7 PM CST, History) Maybe this will finally explain all those shots of various presidents shaking hands with aliens that the Weekly World News keeps bringing us.



HISTORY DETECTIVES (8 PM CST, PBS) "Doc Holliday's Watch; Civil War Female Soldiers; Japanese Internment Camp Artwork." Investigating a watch that may have belonged to Doc Holliday, which was kept safe up Christopher Walken's backside throughout the entire duration of the Vietnam War.



ENTOURAGE (8:30 PM CST, HBO) "Good Morning Saigon." Mandy Moore continues her guest stint as the Girl Who Would Be Aqua.



WEIRD U.S. (9 PM CST, History) "Rebels and Traitors." Includes a look at everybody's favorite non-Johnny Depp pirate, Blackbeard.


WEEDS (9 PM CST, Showtime) "Good S. Lollipop." Nancy's business is impinged upon by medicinal marijuana. Not if the Federal Government can help it!



MAKING OF 'ROME' (10 PM CST, HBO) Wouldn't it be really ironic if this special was actually made in a day?





TUESDAY, AUGUST 23


SHERLOCK HOLMES AND THE SECRET WEAPON (7 PM CST, TCM) The best Sherlock that ever was, Basil Rathbone, fights the plots of the Gestapo.



SHERLOCK HOLMES AND THE WOMAN IN GREEN (8:15 PM CST, TCM) Holmes and Watson track a killer who preys on young women.



THE OFFICE (8:30 PM CST, NBC) "Basketball." This show totally won me over during last week's Wednesday marathon, so you can bet I'll be tuning in for Michael's basketball competition against a team from the warehouse. (Repeat)



RESCUE ME (9 PM CST, FX) "Brains." Tommy and the guys become suspicious of Father Murphy's relationship with Ricky. Just when you thought Catholic baiting was passé!



TERROR BY NIGHT (9:30 PM CST, TCM) Holmes and Watson investigate murder most foul aboard a train. Not the Orient Express, though.



SHERLOCK HOLMES IN DRESSED TO KILL (10:45 PM CST, TCM) Basil Rathbone closes out his Holmes legacy by tracking missing engraving plates that were stolen from the Bank of England. The diabolical thieves replaced them with a set of Roy Clark collectible plates.





WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 24


VERONICA MARS (8 PM CST, UPN) "Hot Dogs." As we approach season two of the show Joss Whedon called Harry Potter of shows", here's your chance to see one of Allison Hannigan's guest appearances from season one. (Repeat)



GHOST HUNTERS (8 PM CST, Sci-Fi) "Theater/Firehouse Haunting." TAPS takes in some community theater; specifically, a haunted one.


OVER THERE (9 PM CST, FX) "Embedded." The unit's embedded reporter goes missing after the death of a civilian.





THURSDAY, AUGUST 25


EVOLUTION (7 PM CST, ABC) How's that movie career coming along, Mr. Duchovny?



SMALLVILLE (7 PM CST, WB) "Krypto." Supes' Golden-Age pup was introduced into the SMALLVILLE mythology here, but thankfully we haven't seen any appearances by Beppo. (Repeat)



THE CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK (7 PM CST, Cinemax) Rarely has there been such a gap in quality between a film and its sequel.



STARVED (9 PM CST, FX) "3D." Sam dates his commercial dream girl and Dan goes on a liquid diet, which involves blending pizzas.



IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA (10 PM CST, FX) "Charlie Has Cancer." As the title implies, Charlie may have cancer, so his friends set out to cheer him up. Fruit baskets are always nice.





FRIDAY, AUGUST 26


FIREFLY (6 PM CST, Sci-Fi) "Safe." FIREFLY brings us what most SF series sorely lack: space hillbillies. (Repeat)



STARGATE SG-1 (7 PM CST, Sci-Fi) "Ex Deus Machina." SG-1 investigates the disappearances of several CEOs, while Gerak's isolationist tendencies are heightening tensions with Stargate Command. Things can only get worse when Stargate Command is forced to sit through ACES: IRON EAGLE III.



DEGRASSI: THE NEXT GENERATION (7 PM CST, Noggin) A last dose of Kevin Smith as the series closes out its fourth season. (Season finale)


STARGATE ATLANTIS (8 PM CST, Sci-Fi) "Instinct." Dr. Beckett, apparently with some free time away from stepping into the Quantum Leap accelerator and vanishing, develops a synthetic virus to revert Wraiths back to their human form. More importantly, tonight's episode features a guest appearance by the cuter-than-cute Jewel Staite from FIREFLY.


BATTLESTAR GALACTICA (9 PM CST, Sci-Fi) "Home." Adama tries to mend fences with both his son and the divided colonists. Tragically, still no sign of Dirk Benedict.





SATURDAY, AUGUST 27


EIGHT LEGGED FREAKS (5:45 PM CST, HBO) A small Arizona town is overrun by giant, hyphen-stealing spiders.


THE MEXICAN (7 PM CST, ABC) Watch this back to back with A DAY WITHOUT A MEXICAN and see if space-time collapses.


HAMLET (7 PM CST, PBS) Laurence Olivier gives his take on the Bard's most famous monologist.



PTERODACTYL (8 PM CST, Sci-Fi) Having his entire subplot trimmed out of DAREDEVIL was bad enough, but now Coolio's career has officially descended to the point of appearing in Sci-Fi Originals.



DODGEBALL: A TRUE UNDERDOG STORY (9 PM CST, Cinemax) The movie that gave us ESPN 8: The Ocho.





SUNDAY, AUGUST 28


FINAL DESTINATION (7 PM CST, WB) Don't feat the Reaper; fear fire escape ladders, record players, train crossings, shower laundry cords, etc.



BEYOND THE MOON: FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION 2 (8 PM CST, History) Examining the post-moon landing history of NASA manned space flight. Which completely ignores that the entire moon landing was faked in a soundstage in Nevada.



THE 4400 (8 PM CST, USA) "Mommy's Bosses." Tom and Diana race to get to the bottom of the 4400 plague. As opposed to the 4400 plaque, which was easily resolved with a regular routine of brushing and flossing. (Season finale)



ROME (8 PM CST, HBO) "The Stolen Eagle." In the aftermath of Caesar's campaign against Gaul, treachery and plotting abound as HBO launches its 12-episode historical drama. (Series premiere)


SUNSET BOULEVARD (9 PM CST, TCM) Hollywood satire has rarely been as sharp, as funny, and as tragic.


THE DEAD ZONE (9 PM CST, USA) "Saved." Johnny's fated archenemy, Greg Stillson seeks out the psychic's help to find a missing senator's daughter. She is eventually found to be in the closet, but they don't dare bring her out, as it would hurt the senator's chances for a presidential bid. (Season finale)

This concludes our broadcast.