Dwayne Johnson in DOOM (2005).
© Universal Pictures
The Top 10 Worst Genre Films of All Time
By: Jet LagDate: Monday, December 10, 2007
1. DOOM:
Ever seen a grown man cry? We knew it was going to be bad going into it but nothing could prepare us for the unrelenting, overpowering, colossal boredom that was to be unleashed upon us.. Andy Warhol or Yoko Ono or someone made a movie that was 8 hours long and consisted solely of someone sleeping. Doom is more boring than that movie.
2. .Johnny Mnemonic:
This movie made my eyes retarded. I could make a list called 1 reason why a fine artist should never direct a cyber-punk film or 1 reason why William Gibson should never write another screenplay or 1 reason why 1995 was such a bad year for Keanu, Rollins, Udo, and Dolph.
3. Alien 3:
I had to walk out. A3 is one of the most disappointing motion pictures of all time. Remember the ad campaign for this? A BALD Ripley, her head backed against a white tiled wall, an alien’s mouth/snout pressed right up against Sigourney’s skull. This shit is gonna be BAD ASS!! Oh how wrong a legion of fans can be. First off killing Newt and Michael Biehn in the first minute of film has to be the most depressing and fucked up movie opening EVER! You know what? You could have shown The Godfather after that opening and it still would have sucked!
4. 5. 6. Star Wars Episode I, II, III:– Damn you George. A lifetime of memories, anticipation, beauty and poetry flushed down the toilet like a 7-11 burrito. If this had been Natalie Portman’s and Ewan McGregor’s first film they never would worked again. Lucas makes McGregor, Liam Neeson, Sam Jackson seem like drama school hacks and shows himself for the crass hack that he is.
7. The Guardian:
Where can you run? Where can you hide? EVERYWHERE since even a possessed tree can’t move! Ah, Poor Billy Friedkin. Two of the greatest movies ever made (French Connection and Exorcist), a stunning though commercially disastrous third effort (Sorcerer) and now he’s reduced to directing The Guardian. I have a feeling that in the ‘80s I coulda got Willy to wash my windows for a glass of lemonade.
8. Event Horizon:
I shouldn’t actually comment on this one because I slept through 45 minutes of it. Why does Paul Anderson get to keep making movies and I can only get paid a few bucks to write a bitter top 10 list?
9. Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band
Holy mother of God. What did we do to deserve this? DISCO, that’s what we did. This nightmare is what God punished us with for disco. God came to me in a dream last night. He said if The Solid Gold Dancers go back on the air he’s gonna have Jerry Bruckheimer make a movie based on the White Album that’s gonna make SPLHCB look like West Side Story.
10. Blade Runner: The Directors Cut
I hate the Directors cut. Ooohh. Deckard is a replicant! That’s like a bad screenwriting 101 class. I can imagine it now, “Hi Mrs. Screenwriting teacher, I wanted to give it a twist ending like the Twilight Zone; he’s a robot too!” It is so much more interesting and involving to keep Deckard a human, A human that falls in love with a Replicant (Rachel). That is so much heavier and compelling. Also fuck everyone about the narration. The narration is awesome. “I knew the lingo, every good cop did”. That shit rules! Now, FINALLY, after nearly a decade I can get the theatrical version of Blade Runner on DVD.
More From Mania
AFI Releases Top 10 Lists for Genre Classics
Top 10 Worst Shows That Need a Remake
(Thursday, May 22, 2008)
Top 5 Genre Films of 2007, Top 5 Anticipated Films of 2008
(Tuesday, January 1, 2008)
Full Metal Panic! Mission 07 Ranks in Top 10 Japanese Anime Genre
(Monday, March 29, 2004)
TOP 10: SCARY MOVIE packs 'em in
(Sunday, October 26, 2003)
ADV Films Talks November Releases
(Tuesday, September 9, 2003)
Genre Films 2000: A Preview of Things To Come
(Thursday, January 27, 2000)
See more related content
