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8 Most Despicable Toys Ever Ordered By Mail
By Robert T. Trate
June 18, 2010
William The Refrigerator Perry was once a G.I. Joe
© Bob Trate
The joy of getting a toy in the mail is something that many of us know. The anticipation of waiting mixed with the long frustration of checking daily usually ends with a celebration at the mailbox. On the flip side there was also the disappointment. The figure wasn’t all it’s cracked up to be, a year later it is released in stores and to be blunt it was just lame. We love our toys here at Mania but at times we scorn them too. Here is the “8 Most Despicable Toys Ever Ordered By Mail”.
8. Qui-Gon Jinn and Eopie 2010
This latest edition to the mail away figures should have marked a turning point, a figure and a creature. Usually you only get one special figure. Hasbro turned it up a notch by giving you two from Star Wars Episode 1. This would have been great if many of us would not have been met with a post card explaining how ill prepared they were. Hasbro put their figure on back order. Yes, you could get your money back for this figure, but not for the figures you bought just to get this one.
7. Spirit of Obi-Wan Kenobi 1997
In 1997 Frito-Lay introduced the Spirit of Obi-Wan on their new pizza flavored potato chip bags. For just a couple of UPCs and $1.99 you got Obi-Wan’s ghost. When Obi-Wan did show up he was nothing but a POTF 1995 Obi-Wan mold made in clear blue plastic. His arms and head moved but his legs, body and robes were one solid piece. In short this was a half assed figure to move some pizza flavored chips.
6. Cantina Band Member 1997
Here is a figure that should have been in the original Kenner Star Wars line. Hasbro rectified that in 1997 through the Star Wars Insider magazine. The bitch of it was, despite getting all the instruments you got only one figure. That is not a band! So we had to fork over even more money to complete our cantina scene. Years later Hasbro released a full Cantina Band has if to say “Ha Ha” (a la Nelson Muntz) to all the collectors.
5. George Lucas Stormtrooper 2006
This is nice tribute and fun for fans of the movie but it had already been done, twice! The first time was in the Micro Machines line and again a figure for Star Wars Celebration II. With all the figures Hasbro and Lucasfilm keep coming up with (George would have another figure made only this time it was as a character from Star Wars Episode 3) why George yet again? If anything I would ask for burnt Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru. You know, characters from the movies.
4.Mummy Mumm-Ra 1985
LJN Toys jumped on the mail away band wagon with Mummy Mumm-Ra but had little success with him. If you never got one they are easily found online and at flea markets. The figure is pretty lame. This is the Mumm-Ra on the show that was a weakling. The bad ass Mumm-Ra was the fully transformed one, the one that could take on the Thundercats single handily. It is as if we are being asked to pick between Clark Kent or Superman. The answer is obvious.
3. The Fridge 1986
Was it the Super Bowl Shuffle? Perhaps it was his Super Bowl win. I honestly believe it was an act of God because nothing else could better explain why William “The Refrigerator” Perry of the Chicago Bears became a member of G.I. Joe. Hasbro must have been looking for the next Sgt. Slaughter and picked this guy. The idea quickly fizzled out and we were stuck with one lame G.I. Joe.
2. Steel Brigade G.I. Joe1987
No unique face, no unique uniform it didn’t even come with the option of picking from an assortment of parts to make you as a G.I. Joe. The big push was your own story on the file card. Wow. This figure did however inspire tons of guys to sculpt their own figures years later. Who knows, without Steel Brigade there might not be the craftsmanship in action figures we have today.
1. Wun-Dar 1984
This is a figure of true legend because there is no real record of his existence. Maybe there are a few pictures here and there but who knows if they were even real. He was offered by Wonder Bread but it was never produced. Hardly an original figure as he had He-Man’s body with different colored hair, boots and loin cloth. To top it all off he had Zodac’s chest protector, painted black. If you had both of these figures you could make him today. MattyCollector released the figure in 2010 so he now actually exists. Just imagine for a moment eating several loaves of Wonder Bread and patiently waiting for a figure that never came.
Why isn’t the original Boba Fett on the list? It would have made it but as many of you already know the rocket firing Boba Fett is finally being released through Hasbro. In staying true to the tradition you’ll have to mail away for it. See Mania’s Toy Fair 2010: Star Wars The Empire Strikes Back Toys for more information.
Robert his still waiting by the mail box for his Qui-Goin and Eopie. Until that day arrives he’ll continue writing his two weekly columns for Mania: the DVD Shopping Bag and the Toy Maniac. Robert also participates in a pod cast that reviews movies, comics and celebrates all things geek. Check it out at You’ve Got Geek on You.com.