Toy Showdown: Joe vs. Joe, Part 1

By: John Denning
Date: Saturday, August 26, 2006

If Saturday morning advertisements and esteemed spokesman Sgt. Slaughter are to be believed, "nobody beats G.I. Joe." With no other challengers in sight, Out of the Box pits Joe versus Joe to see which era of the original action figure franchise comes out on top.

This is a knockdown drag-out fight using the rules of the sandbox with an adult perspective. We'll look at history and design, but in the end, its all about getting a figure in each hand, smashing them together with gratuitous battlefield sound effects, and seeing who prevails.

Since G.I. Joe is the longest standing franchise in action figures (earning the title automatically since the very term was created for them in the first place), we'll have to narrow it to two teams: vintage age 12-inch figures and the Real American Heroes of the 80's. Anything in-between will be teamed with the closest viable group. The recent resurgence of G.I. Joe in Sigma 6 will be addressed briefly as the new challenger once the dust settles on this initial encounter. As a final note, the G.I. Joe Hall of Fame 12'� figures, being an odd bastard child of vintage design and RAH characters, will be shot into space and ignored for the duration of the conflict.

This first week we'll size up each combatant, then put them into action the following column.

In terms of features, vintage Joes have a number of unique advantages. Even as the first of their kind, these actions figures had good poseability and detail, and throughout the history of the line additions were made to improve both. With the advent of the muscle body for the G.I. Joe Adventure Team, there were fifteen points of articulation and even flocked hair and beards. Although Real American Heroes' Duke's rock-hard crewcut may not be intimidated by a little five o'clock shadow, until we see a Circus Freak Barbie, vintage Joes are bound to be some of the only boy toys with such details.


And vintage Joes were freakish in more ways than one. To establish trademark, many vintage Joe figures have a scar on the right cheek and inverted thumbnail on the left hand. What was originally a factory mistake became a dominant gene in old G.I. Joes. While the misplaced thumbnail may suggest that vintage Joes are indeed mutants, thereââ'¬â"¢s no evidence that these mutations grant them extra combat capabilities beyond grossing out their enemies, and they will remain as only a cosmetic consideration.

The most notable advantage in the vintage Joe repertoire is interchangeable costumes. Vintage Joes came from a time where a toy company like Hasbro was looking for the ââ'¬Å"razor and razorbladesââ'¬ï¿½ approach. You can buy one action figure, then get whatever accessories you want to deck him out. Your basic Marine G.I. Joe could become British infantry or an astronaut with the purchase of an accessories pack. This makes a vintage Joe infinitely versatile and makes sense from a time where most kids didn't have the money for a lot of different action figures.

With the increasing allowances and 80's economy, however, Hasbro was wise to shift gears. Real American Heroes covered their bases by sheer numbers. With over 200 individual members of the G.I. Joe team, with multiple versions of most characters, as well as more than 100 different Cobra villains and minion types, the Real American Heroes line stood alongside Kenner's Star Wars figures as one of the first action figure lines that really encouraged you to collect them all.� Details were unavoidably lessened by size constraints, and various body parts were still interchanged to make 'new'� figures, but most figures were given enough of a unique appearance, whether its own head sculpt or paint scheme, to set them apart.

For appearances, RAH relied on back-story most of all. The 80's were the era of the 'chicken or the egg'� phenomenon for toys linked with cartoon series and vice versa. In G.I. Joe's case, there was the comic as well. Comic book writer and editor Larry Hama lent each character their own personality and background, which was not only perpetuated by the ongoing adventures on TV and in comics, but printed right on each figure's box as a G.I. Joe file card. This gave the figures a trading card feel, listing the figure's military training as well as giving glimpses into their lives, teaching children around the world that used car salesmen like Cobra Commander are truly the greatest threat to freedom.

The most notable diversity in Real American Hero figures was the racial and ethnic diversity. Vintage Joes included a black figure and released different soldiers from around the world. RAH took this a step further, with characters from every conceivable background. Their first two years alone included whites, blacks, Hispanic, Native American, Japanese, and the sensitive Australian poet Major Bludd. Who could forget such memorable lines as 'When you're feeling low and woozy/ Slap a fresh clip in your Uzi!'� While vintage Joes had versatility, RAH comes out on top with more cosmetic variation.

On the other hand, the old Joes did have a few tricks that come in handy for combat. 1974 saw the rise of the Kung-fu grip, replacing the hard plastic hands with bendable rubber ones, allowing Joe to hold weapons better or grab anything else that came into reach. With their immense size advantage, a vintage Joe could easily crush the head of a Real American Hero with one hand. Ah, the mysteries of the Orient.

Also added to the Adventure Team line was the Eagle Eye feature, allowing the figures eyes to be moved side to side using a lever in the back of the head. Intelligence is key in any battle, and the increased range of vision is not to be dismissed. Not to mention the demoralizing value of being able to roll your eyes with maximum sarcasm in the direction of your enemy.

The only construction innovation considered from the Real American Hero side, on the other hand, is swivel-jointed arms and head. This gave the figures a great range of motion and makes up for those damn fixed stares they have painted on them. While vintage figures benefited from their size in terms of poseability, RAH joints were more stable, taking advantage of newer construction to improve durability. Many of the different pieces for old G.I. Joes were held together by rubber bands that deteriorated over time, often leaving even figures in the original packaging with detached limb. While these can be reconstructed for the most part, it makes old Joes a fragile giant.

The last feature to be placed on the scale before our showdown is the vehicles. Vintage Joe's size comes back to haunt him in this case, as it was much easier to design and produce various vehicles for the smaller Heroes. Nonetheless, some accessory packs from the original series included not only a change of uniform such as a wetsuit, but a sea sled to go with it. The cost of these vehicles was somewhat prohibitive for most kids, however, leaving the figures with less than two dozen vehicles to choose from. RAH, on the other hand, played the numbers game yet again, with well over 300 vehicles if one includes re-releases such as the ill-chosen animal print camouflage scheme of the 'Tiger Force'� series from the late 80's. Additionally, most vehicles for 12-inch Joes didn't have much in the way of firepower (the tank being an obvious exception). With some being released specifically for the Adventure Team, as anti-war sentiment from Vietnam saw the series taking a non-military bent, they are cool for driving and flying around and not much else. That said, an oversized jeep's ability to run over countless puny Heroes will be taken fully into account.

There you have it, the major elements of each team lined up for you consideration. But knowing is only half the battle. Will the gargantuan Joes of ages past crush the Heroes like man-shaped Godzillas? Or will the Lilliputian Real American Heroes swarm their over-sized opponents and prove that the bigger really do fall harder? Chime in with your thoughts on factors, real or imagined, that might turn the tide for your favorite team. Then tune in next week, and behold, as Joes collide!