Archer and T'Pol travel back to the year 2004 to get some money out of a ATM (and save the Earth) in "Carpenter Street".
© UPN

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Tree Swinger Blues

Greetings Cinescapers! Looks like we've got some new buddies checking in on this column so let me be the first to welcome the readers of space.com, or as I like to call them, the Space Cadets! So Cinescapers meet Space Cadets, Space Cadets meet Cinescapers! Now that formal introductions have been made, lets all hop on friendster.com and start talking.

This week has been a hectic one, I had planed to spend some quality time with one of my favorite books, B-MOVIE HORRORS: A PHOTO-FILLED JOURNEY INTO THE HORROR AND SCI-FI FILMS OF DIRECTOR DON DOHLER, when I noticed the Cinescape phone, a.k.a. my e-mail, was ringing off the hook. Seems everybody wants to save TARZAN. So for those who missed it last week here's the web pages to check out if you want to become a member of the cause:

TARZAN saving out of the way, let's get to business. This week I went to the dentist, well I went to the school of dentistry, and they x-rayed my head 17 times, for something they called funsies. Now my heads grown twice its normal size and I can't stop watching KIM POSSIBLE. Do any of my readers who are medial professionals know why this is? If so please contact me at TVWasteland@cinescape.com or run up to me in the street, I'm the guy who glows in the dark.

Since I've been barred from movie theatres I'll be watching a lot of TV this week. Here's a list of the shows I'm thinking of partaking of.

THE FAIRLY ODD PARENTS

JASON X

© 2001 New Line

EVERWOOD (9 pm, WB) Amy bolts from the house.

CRIMES AND MISDEMEANORS (10 pm, WE) A doctor has his mistress killed and eventually finds himself without any long standing sense of guilt. This is playing on the Women's Entertainment network?

CSI: MIAMI (10 pm, CBS) A woman who preys on unfaithful husbands becomes a shark's snack cake.

TWO MULES FOR SISTER SARA (8 pm, TCM) A vulgar "nun" entertains Clint Eastwood.

SHANIA TWAIN UP! CLOSE AND PERSONAL (9 pm, NBC) That don't impress me much.

24 (9 pm, FOX) "5 pm 6 pm" Jack tries to start a prison riot in order to break Ramon Salazar out of, well, prison, but the prisoners refuse, saying they never riot after 3 pm.

LITTLE NICKY (10:10 pm, TBS) Adam Sandler plays a true child of Satan as a loveable dork with a lisp. Adam, however, does not play him funny. Awful.

ENTERPRISE (8 pm, UPN) Archer has to go to the future to save the past. T'Pol, who is with him, says "Did you ever get the feeling that we're nothing more then a series of science fiction clichés in tight clothing?"

JOSIE AND THE PUSSYCATS (8 pm, WB)

Archer and T'Pol travel back to the year 2004 to get some money out of a ATM (and save the Earth) in "Carpenter Street".

© UPN

MY WIFE AND KIDS (8 pm, ABC) Actually I think they're somebody else's wife and kids.

JASON X (10:30 pm, STARZ) Jason winds up in space where he is forced to resume his day job as a unstoppable serial killer. Regrets the day he chose murder over veterinary school.

DR. DOLITTLE 2 (8 pm, FOX) I was on this bus trip to Washington D.C. and they played this and I laughed and laughed. That is until the bus driver, distracted by the film himself, crashed into the Pinto in front of us.

CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION (9 pm, CBS)

Kurosawa's SEVEN SAMURAI

© Toei

BORN FREE (8 pm, TCM) A couple raises a lioness as a pet and just when they're about to set it free a big haired lady in the front row distracts the animal and ... oh it's just too horrible.

WITHOUT A TRACE (10 pm, CBS) A priest who needs a new liver disappears just when one becomes available. Second person in line tells the team it's OK with him if they don't bother looking for the priest. (Repeat)

THE IRON GIANT (7 pm, Cartoon) Sadly neglected upon its release, this wonderful animated film about a boy who befriends a giant robot has developed a cult following. If you miss it at seven, it's showing again at nine.

SEVEN SAMURAI (8 pm, TCM)

Wanda and Cosmo are strange fairy godparents in THE FAIRLY ODDPARENTS.

© Nickelodeon

REBA (8 pm, WB) When Kyra decides to move in with Barbra Jean, Reba can't deal.

SHOWGIRLS (9 pm, VH1) One of the greatest bad films of all time, a dancer sleeps and maims her way to the top. Edited for television so now the whole family can enjoy!

THE SPY WHO LOVED ME (7 pm, Spike)

Who remembers that cool underwater Lotus car from THE SPY WHO LOVED ME?

© MGM

LETHAL WEAPON 4 (8 pm, TNT) The soundest reason on why there should never be a LETHAL WEAPON 5 .

XANADU (8 pm, WE) What kind of muse inspires a man to open a roller disco rink?

THE SIMPSONS (8 pm, Fox) Homer builds a bear fighting suit, hilarity results.

CHARMED (8 pm, WB) Paige casts a truth spell on her boyfriend. Can she handle the truth? (Repeat)

ALIAS (9 pm, ABC) Director David Cronenberg shows up as a doctor who uses an experimental program to help Sydney with her memory. Sadly, the experiment results in her psyche unleashing hordes of murderous dwarves on all who've wronged her.

CHRISTINA AGUILERA STRIPPED IN LONDON (9 pm, WB) No lurid innuendo in that title. Have you signed the save TARZAN petition yet?

Well that's a wrap. So until next week let me leave you with this question: Do you want TARZAN saved? Let me know this week and I'll let you know what the general consensus is in two weeks? Deal?

Well, deal or not still drop me a line at Tvwasteland@Cinescape.com

TV Wasteland is our weekly Television column.