THE TEN COMMANDMENTS
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The TV Squad

Do you have an American Movie Classic you feel the myopic TV WASTELAND has been neglecting? Send it via e-mail to TVWasteland@cinescape.com. We just might put it in the column, cause you see TV WASTELAND'S got nards.

Below you'll find some television shows listed, because, after all, this is a television column.

THE LADY FROM SHANGHAI/SHANGHAI EXPRESS/THE SHANGHAI GESTURE/WEST OF SHANGHAI 8 pm, TCM) Four movies with Shanghai in the title. The first is an excellent Orson Welles piece centered around a wicked woman. The second is a Josef Von Sternberg film about a woman who appears to be wicked. The third is another Von Sternberg flick about a woman who drags her ex-lover's daughter into decadence. The fourth is from John Farrow and is about a Chinese warlord who rules over an area where Americans are fighting over oil. (That's the sad thing about these old movies the issues covered are so dated.)

THE FAIRLY ODD PARENTS (8 pm, Nik) Timmy sends Wanda to a spa, hope it's not one of those death spas. (Repeat)

EVERWOOD (8 pm, HBO) Ephram gets in a bar fight and goes to jail, but women continue to dismiss him. (Repeat)

CSI: MIAMI (10 pm, CBS) Horatio doesn't buy a newspaper reporter's account of his friend's death. I'm not sure why, it's only a quarter.

BRIDE OF CHUCKY (8 pm, SCI-FI) Male killer doll gets girlfriend killer doll as partner in

Jack (Kiefer Sutherland) loses another lead to the virus in the third season 24 episode "4:00am-5:00am".

© Fox

24 (9 pm, FOX) We've got nine all-new episodes of 24 starting tonight as we pick things up with Jack still trying to find out where the virus is before time (and the season) runs out.

NYPD BLUE (10 pm, ABC) A cop who was shot while off-duty is believed to be corrupt, but not corrupt enough to avoid a bullet.

THE SHIELD (10 pm, FX) Two different teams compete to solve a case, because in contemporary society police work is never about sharing information.

THE WAR OF THE WORLDS (10:30 pm, AMC) Martians come to earth with less then good intentions. The 1953 George Pal classic.

CHAPLIN TODAY: MONSIEUR VERDOUX / MONSIEUR VERDOUX /CHAPLIN TODAY: LIMELIGHT/ LIMELIGHT / CHARLIE: THE LIFE AND ART OF CHARLES CHAPLIN/A KING IN NEW YORK/CHAPLIN TODAY: A KING IN NEW YORK (8 pm, TCM) This week the Wednesday night marathon focus on some of Charlie's later period sound films, otherwise known as flops.

SMALLVILLE (8 pm, WB) 1) After Clark is told Lex is a nutcase he has a hard time believing what Lex says. 2) Again it's up to you to do the programmer's job. (Repeats)

ENTERPRISE (9 pm, UPN) In spite of their past relationship the Andorian Imperial Guard helps the Enterprise crew to steal the Xindi's superweapon. It's a very special episode

Diane Ladd stars as the psychic Sally Druse in STEPHEN KING'S KINGDOM HOSPITAL.

© ABC

STEPHEN KING'S KINGDOM HOSPITAL (10 pm, ABC) Mrs. Druse helps reprimand an evil teenager's spirit.

TRU CALLING (8 pm, FOX) When the reporter out to expose Tru's secret gets in a fix Tru has "trouble" getting aid. You go Tru!

CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION (9 pm, CBS) Some guy beats a man to death and then dies. Karmic justice is served.

WITHOUT A TRACE (8 pm, CBS) Twin brothers are suspected of murder, leading to three possible outcomes 1) one brother did it. 2) they did it together 3) the channel gets changed.

TRIPPING THE RIFT (10:30 pm, SCIFI) Chode sells his soul, gets three dollars.

JOAN OF ARCADIA (8 pm, CBS) An old album causes a piano teacher to recall a painful moment. Afterward a different old album causes her to rock out.

REBA (8 pm, WB) 1) Cheyenne doubts Van is faithful to her, so she kills him. 2) Reba

Pink Flamingos instruct Jaye (Caroline Dhavernas, right) to do something that leads to her father being involved in a terrible accident the WONDERFALLS episode "Pink Flamingos".

© Fox

WONDERFALLS (9 pm, FOX) The talking animal images tell Jaye to help out an old enemy. Jaye locks herself up in a sanitarium instead.

STARGATE SG-1 (9 pm, SCI-FI) 1) Daniel is stuck in Central America waiting for O'Neill to rescue him. Tries to impress the local population by demonstrating he can sing two-thirds of "La Bamba" correctly. Plan fails miserably and he is beaten to death. 2) The team discovers an oasis, prompting a group sing-a-long of "Midnight at the Oasis." 3) Third verse same as the first. (All Repeats)

PUPPET MASTER (10:30 pm, AMC) An American Movie Classic.

REAR WINDOW/THE TROUBLE WITH HARRY (8 pm, TMC) Two from Hitchcock, the first a classic of suspense, the second not so classic.

CELTIC PRIDE (8 pm, UPN) Damon Wayans, Daniel Stern and late period Dan Aykroyd, need we say more.

TEEN TITANS (9 pm, TOON) Beast Boy gives some hooligans a lesson. You show'm Beast Boy.

SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE (11:30, NBC) Donald Trump hosts and somebody smoking sings, creates the feeling of dry ice placed in water.

THE TEN COMMANDMENTS (7 pm, ABC) Moses travels to a planet overrun by humanoid apes that is suffering from a plague, which only a transfusion of Moses' blood can cure. And the THE TEN COMMANDMENTS turns out to be people. At least I think that's right. Isn't this the one where Moses' wife gets attacked at a sleazy motel?

THE SIMPSONS (8 pm, FOX) 1) Edna runs away from Skinner. Wouldn't you? 2) Marge writes a book. (Second episode a repeat)

CHARMED (8 pm, WB) A demon discovers the girls' secret desire to create an alternate reality. The demon quickly shakes his head in disgust and says "what a bunch of dorks." (Repeat)

DUDLEY DO-RIGHT (8 pm, AMC) An American Movie

Emily Proctor stars as Calleigh Duquesne on CSI: MIAMI.

© CBS

CSI: MIAMI (10 pm, CBS) Horatio suspects an imprisoned rapist of a non-prison based rape. (Repeat)

Well until next time, can anybody think of a nifty title for a sitcom about a man who falls in love with his toaster? I was thinking TOASTERBOB SQUARE PANTS. Pretty cool, huh!

Oh, yeah! Well if you can think of something better send it to me at Tvwasteland@cinescape.com.

TV Wasteland is our weekly Television column.