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TV Wasteland: Downhill Skiing
As the athletes compete in Vancouver, genre shows deliver a mix of new and old By
Rob Vaux
February 14, 2010
Human Target enters the TV Wasteland
© Fox/Bob Trate
The combination of the Winter Olympics and shifting vagaries of the television season have left an eclectic mixture of new episodes and reruns. Shows which premiered in early January are taking a breather while those with late January and early February premieres are kicking into high gear. We'll do our best to sort out the fresh from the re-heated for you.
Monday
24 (Fox, 9:00 PM EST)
We're six hours in and suddenly Jack's (Kiefer Sutherland) cohorts are worried about him doing something untoward? Do they not watch this show?!
V (Syfy, 12:30 PM EST)
Syfy devotes the whole day to rerunning the original miniseries from the 1980s. Definitely dated and oft-times ridiculous, it still posits an intriguing premise and delivers the particulars with a good sense of fun. Episodes of the short-lived regular series precede it, starting at 8:30 AM EST.
Death Race (HBO, 9:00 PM EST)
Jason Statham can make anything cool, including remakes of Roger Corman movies directed by Paul W.S. Anderson
Chuck is off for the Olympics. Heroes is on hiatus.
Tuesday
Lost (ABC, 9:00 PM EST)
Okay, so Locke (Terry O'Quinn) isn't Locke, but we're still referring to him as Locke? Got it. Anyhow, he seeks another round of converts to back his play this week.
Paranormal Cops (A&E, 10:00 PM EST)
Paranormal Cops departs the scene as rapidly as it began, with a two-part burn-off wrapping up the show for good. The first episode covers a ghost who chokes sleeping guests in the home where she dwells, while second contains only the cryptic description "Messages From Beyond."
Life After People (History, 10:00 PM EST)
When levies break down, the water comes flooding in, destroying a number of coastal cities. Life After People has all the gory details.
Psychic Kids is a rerun this week.
Wednesday
Human Target (Fox, 8:00 PM EST)
It's the old "impenetrable fortress" routine when Sydney Bristow's former tech support guy (Kevin Weisman) needs a hand from Chance (Mark Valley) to get out of his death trap of a workplace.
Ghost Hunters International (Syfy, 9:00 PM EST)
The gang is still in Costa Rica, checking another lunatic asylum for unquiet spirits. Then a quick jaunt over to Jamaica hooks them up with a sugar plantation whose long-dead owner is reportedly still roaming the grounds.
Monster Quest is a rerun this week.
Thursday
Past Life (Fox, 9:00 PM EST)
Two people sharing the same visions may actually be a tragic pair of lovers in a past life.
Burn Notice (USA, 10:00 PM EST)
Michael (Jeffrey Donovan) goes undercover in the fashion industry to track down a thief. It would be much cooler if he had to stop an imbecilic brainwashed male model from assassinating the prime minister of Malaysia, but you can't have everything.
Alien Nation and Alien Nation: Body and Soul (FMC, 7:30 PM EST and 9:30 PM EST)
For the edification of burgeoning Alien Nation Studies majors, Fox Movies is showing the fair-to-middling original movie--starring James Caan and Mandy Patinkin as a pair of cops in a world where alien refugees have integrated with our society--and the no-doubt scintillating TV movie compiled from episodes of the brief TV series based on that original movie. Make sure to note the subtle differences in humanistic theory and semantic deconstructionism when compiling your comparison.
The Vampire Diaries and Supernatural are both reruns this week.
Friday
Smallville (The CW, 8:00 PM EST)
In one of the worst gimmicks yet devised on this show, Clark (Tom Welling) receives "wish-fulfilling" Kryptonite on Valentine's Day. Alan Moore has been contacted and should be arriving at the Smallville offices to beat the screenwriter senseless at any moment.
Caprica (Syfy, 9:00 PM EST)
Graystone (Eric Stoltz) goes on Patton Oswalt's talk show to try and explain the whole "my daughter's a terrorist" thing, while Joseph (Esai Morales) seriously rethinks his decision to have Amanda (Paula Malcomson) killed. How he puts the kibbutz on that little operation is apt to be quite interesting, since his brother Sam (Sasha Roiz) is presumably the triggerman.
Spartacus: Blood and Sand (Starz, 10:00 PM EST)
It was only a matter of time before Spartacus (Andy Whitfield) and Crixus (Manu Bennett) were paired as a team. Judging by the rapidity with which this show checks off its soap-opera clichés, we'll have an evil twin and a radical life-saving operation show up before the end of the month.
Batman: The Brave and the Bold (Cartoon, 7:30 PM EST)
Black Adam and Dr. Sivana have some sinister plans for Captain Marvel… unless the Caped Crusader can smack them silly first. I know who my bet's on.
The Ghost Whisperer, Medium and Star Wars: The Clone Wars are all reruns this week.
Saturday
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (ABC, 8:00 PM EST)
ABC airs the third and most controversial of the Harry Potter films tonight. Some corners praised director Alfonso Cuaron's innovative style while other maintained that author JK Rowling's vision was lost in the process.
Last House on the Left (Cinemax, 10:00 PM EST)
Of all the latter-day remakes of iconic 70s horror flicks, this is one of them. I have to admit that--while it isn't overwhelming--it marks a big step up from the overrated Wes Craven original. (They got rid of those stupid wacky cops for starters.)
Mad Max (IFC, 6:30 PM EST)
IFC broadcasts the George Miller exploitation classic, which made Mel Gibson a star and established a vision of the future that countless subsequent filmmakers strived to imitate.
Alien Visitor (IFC, 9:35 PM EST)
This Australian import posits an alien traveler discovered in the Outback. That said visitor is played by the smoking hot Ullie Birve should in no way prevent you from pondering the serious ecological issues on display. Oh who am I kidding? Enjoy the cheesecake kids!
Predator (Syfy, 6:30 PM EST)
Syfy's probably going to cut out all the best parts, but you can still ponder why Arnold Schwarzenegger didn't get the Oscar for his scintillating delivery of "GET TO DA CHOPPA!!!"
The Land That Time Forgot (Syfy, 9:00 PM EST)
Syfy is betting that you don't remember the cheesy 1970s version of the Edgar Rice Burroughs novel about an island populated by dinosaurs and cavemen. All the better to treat you to a cheesy 2000s version starring C. Thomas Howell and Timothy Bottoms.
Batman and Robin (TNT, 10:30 PM EST)
We're not telling you to watch it; we're simply stating that it's on so that you don't accidentally stumble across it in your obsessive channel surfing between all of the other, better movies showing tonight.
Sunday
Sunshine (Syfy, 6:30 PM EST)
If you can forgive the rather incoherent ending, Oscar-winning director Danny Boyle delivers one of the better exercises in intellectual science fiction to come out in recent years.
Children of Men (Syfy, 9:00 PM EST)
While Sunshine stumbled just short of the finish line, Children of Men crosses it in style to deliver the best science fiction film of the past decade. (Yes, including Avatar. Now back in your hole, James Cameron Boy.)
Seven (IFC, 7:45 PM EST)
Fifteen years later, David Fincher's horrific noir has lost none of its power to unsettle us.
The Princess Bride (FMC, 7:30 PM EST)
Good collection of movies on tonight, yes?
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I'm pretty sure that Alein Nation: Body and Soul is one of the TV movies made after the series finished. After it was cancelled they made 3 or 4 movies to finish off the hanging plot threads. And if you've never seen it, the series was really good.
Kara S