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TV Wasteland: Election Edition
A busy, but unremarkable week on the Wasteland
By Rob Vaux
November 05, 2012
It’s a pretty full week, so we’ll dispense the preamble and just get to it!
Revolution (NBC, 10:00 PM EDT)
An argument arises as to whether to help a young boy and his friends, while Rachel’s past pops in to see her again.
The Day After Tomorrow (Cinemax, 10:00 PM EDT)
Considering that much of this silly disaster flick takes place in New York – and considering the late unpleasantness with the weather over there – perhaps Cinemax could have screened something else in its place.
The Incredible Hulk (FX, 8:00 PM EDT)
Revel at how terrific Edward Norton is, and then ponder the fact that Mark Ruffalo was even better.
Star Trek III: The Search for Spock (IFC, 8:00 PM EDT)
Leonard Nimoy helms the third Trek film that proves not all of the odd-numbered ones sucked.
Evil Dead II (IFC, 10:15 PM EDT)
The tender, gentle story of one man’s love of his chainsaw.
Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (Spike, 8:00 PM EDT)
Look at me, avoiding the lazy Disney joke! Seriously, everyone needs to calm down about The Mouse’s purchase of Lucasfilm… unless you want to start freaking out about Marvel’s prospects too.
Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home (IFC, 8:00 PM EDT)
Kirk and the gang get positively Chaplin-esque in a fun and funny jaunt back to 20th Century San Francisco. One of the undisputed high points of the franchise.
Creepshow (IFC, 10:45 PM EDT)
We’re gonna have one last curtain call for George A. Romero’s blast of horror comics mayhem.
Rosemary’s Baby (Sundance, 9:00 pM EDT)
Roman Polanski’s devilish tale of a young wife beset by supernatural forces still packs a creepy punch.
The Fifth Element (AMC, 8:00 PM EDT)
You’ve got to hand it to Milla Jovovich… she makes anything look good.
Puss in Boots (Cinemax, 8:30 PM EDT)
AKA Shrek Five. AKA Why Does Everyone Like This Movie?
In Time (Cinemax, 6:40 PM EDT)
The high concept gets a little wonky at times, but there’s still a lot more to enjoy here than critics would have you believe.
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (FMC, 8:00 PM EDT)
Brad Pitt ages in reverse, thanks to some increasingly dated CG effects and a lot of silly make-up.
Suck Punch (HBO, 8:00 PM EDT)
Hadn’t we all mutually decided to forget this movie existed?
Also, today’s Election Day in the U.S. Cynical comments aside, everyone should take it upon themselves to participate. Even if the Presidential race is making you sick (for one reason or another), every area has state initiatives and local ballots that will probably affect your life a lot more than who’s in the White House come January. Read up on the issues, weigh the options and vote your conscience. Because we’re still Americans, dammit.
Arrow (The CW, 8:00 PM EDT)
Oliver turns to Laurel for help when he’s arrested for murder. Also, Deathstroke-related flashback!
Supernatural (The CW, 9:00 PM EDT)
A gruesome murder points to a spectral killer. Who you gonna call? Sam and Dean, that’s who!
American Horror Story: Asylum (FX, 10:00 PM EDT)
Arden gets outed by one of the asylum patients, while Kit digs further into Grace’s less-than-spotless past.
Ghost Hunters (Syfy, 9:00 PM EDT)
The team checks out the New Hampshire governor’s mansion, where they learn about a politician’s secret lovechild. Hopefully an undead secret lovechild, but they’re playing coy with the details.
Predators (FX, 8:00 PM EDT)
Adrien Brody headlines an awesome sci-fi variation on Ten Little Indians, with a certain gurgling space iguana as the killer. It repeats on Sunday night at 8:00 PM EDT and 10:00 PM EDT.
The Rundown (Cinemax, 9:00 PM EDT)
The Rock vs. Christopher Walken. And… fight!
Contagion (Cinemax, 10:45 PM EDT)
Let’s face it: deep in our hearts, we always suspected that Gwyneth Paltrow was Patient Zero.
Underdog (Disney, 8:30 PM EDT)
Okay, so not every creative property has thrived under Disney. Don’t panic!
Beetlejuice (ABC Family, 9:00 PM EDT)
In some ways, Tim Burton has never topped this wonderfully bizarre trip through an afterlife gone mad.
Diamonds are Forever (BBC America, 9:00 PM EDT)
Sean Connery has never looked creakier in his “official” farewell to James Bond. His real farewell, of course, was the off-the-reservation Never Say Never Again, but they don’t like talking about that one…
Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (IFC, 8:00 PM EDT)
William Shatner wants to direct just like Leonard Nimoy did… and proves why that is a horribly bad idea.
Spy Kids 3: Game Over (Starz, 9:00 PM EDT)
You won’t believe just how badly Sylvester Stallone can hurt us.
The Green Hornet (Starz, 10:30 PM EDT)
Look, just find some copies of the old show and watch Bruce Lee kick the crap out of people. I guarantee you’ll have more fun than you would with this mess.
Burn Notice (USA, 9:00 PM EDT)
In a two-hour episode, the team plans an elaborate escape from Panama, while avoiding a local drug smuggler in the process.
The Big Bang Theory (CBS, 8:00 PM EDT)
The long-brewing showdown between Bernadette and Howard’s mom finally comes to a head when the younger Mrs. Wolowitz wants Howard to move out. Meanwhile, Amy mixes it up with Wil Wheaton, guest starring as an evil version of himself as always.
Last Resort (ABC, 8:00 PM EDT)
The crew faces a surprise attack, forcing them to turtle and hold on.
Elementary (CBS, 10:00 PM EDT)
Holmes claims that a plane crash was not the accident the authorities believe, while Watson tries to get him to meet with his estranged father.
The Vampire Diaries (The CW, 8:00 PM EDT)
Stefan and Klaus join forces to handle a new threat. Apparently, that involves taking hostages from the principle cast. I’m sure they’ll explain how.
Beauty and the Beast (The CW, 9:00 PM EDT)
Vincent gets semi-outed when a newspaper publishes his image, and Catherine warns him to be careful.
The Goonies (ABC Family, 8:30 PM EDT)
God, Anne Ramsey was awesome.
Rambo 4 (AMC, 8:00 PM EDT)
Need a helping of fake Lionsgate blood? Stallone has you covered.
Predator (AMC, 10:00 PM EDT)
Arnold Schwarzenegger finds out what it’s like to be on the wrong side of a giant gun when he takes on the titular space iguana in the Central American jungle.
Resident Evil: Apocalypse (Cinemax, 8:20 PM EDT)
The second one. It’s definitely the second one.
Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country (IFC, 8:00 PM EDT)
The original crew says good-bye in a pandering but otherwise solid entry in the Trek franchise.
The Brothers Grimm (IFC, 10::15 PM EDT)
Heath Ledger and Matt Damon star as the two brothers who run a fraudulent monster killing enterprise that runs into a snag when they encounter the real thing. The premise is awesome. The pay-off much less so.
The Butterfly Effect (Starz, 9:00 PM EDT)
It’s bad enough that this time-travel twister is ugly, hateful, and unnecessarily cruel. It also features plot holes you can drive a truck through. Thanks Ashton Kutcher!
Anaconda 3 (Syfy, 7:00 PM EDT)
John Rhys-Davies, why?!
Anaconda (Syfy, 9:00 PM EDT)
Of course, bad-mouthing Anaconda 3 assumes that the first one is any better. It’s not.
Fringe (Fox, 9:00 PM EDT)
Walter hunts for a new weapon against the observer, while one of the team takes on new responsibilities.
Grimm (NBC, 9:00 PM EDT)
Hank’s learned a lot about the Wesen world, which prompts him to reopen an old case.
Nikita (The CW, 9:00 PM EDT)
Amanda trusts a rogue agent with a key mission, only to see him turn the tables on her. Bummer.
Haven (Syfy, 10:00 PM EDT)
We know who the bolt-gun killer is, but has he killed Wuornos? And what’s with that paramedic who can bring the dead back to life with her touch? Claudia Black guest stars in the second half of a two-part episode.
The Dollars Trilogy (TCM, 8:00 PM EDT, 9:45 PM EDT and 12:00 AM EDT)
That’s A Fistful of Dollars, For a Few Dollars More and The Good, The Bad and The Ugly for those not in the know. Come get some Clint on TCM tonight!
Predator 2 (AMC, 7:30 PM EDT)
You know, unless Danny Glover can say “pussy face” uncensored, there’s really no point to tuning in.
V for Vendetta (BBC America, 8:00 PM EDT)
Hugo Weaving is so good in this film that only his voice needs to show up. Pity the remainder can’t quite match his pace.
Chronicle (Cinemax, 8:35 PM EDT)
Fox’s dynamite super-powers story proves that you don’t need a pre-existing character to shine in this genre.
Ghost Rider (FX, 7:00 PM EDT)
The effects are great. The rest of the movie? Staggeringly bad.
Star Trek: Generations (IFC, 8:00 PM EDT)
We should have known we were gonna have problems when Malcolm McDowell showed up.
Valhalla Rising (IFC, 10:30 PM EDT)
Viking ubermensch vs. the New World. And… fight!
Transformers (TNT, 8:00 PM EDT)
Hey, who doesn’t love an overblown Michael Bay movie on basic cable? It runs again on Saturday at 7:00 PM EDT.
The Mist (Syfy, 6:30 PM EDT)
Frank Darabont proves once again that he has the Midas touch when it comes to Stephen King adaptations. Be careful: the ending carries a kick.
Ghost Storm (Syfy, 9:00 PM EDT)
Supernatural forces turn a giant electrical storm on a group of hapless victims. In other words, it’s Saturday night on Syfy!
Poseidon and The Poseidon Adventure (AMC, 8:00 PM EDT and 10:00 PM EDT)
Revel in the pointless remake before soldiering through the goofy but infinitely preferable original.
Robots (Cartoon, 7:00 PM EDT)
The world here is beautifully rendered: an all-machine universe populated by robots of all varieties. Pity the script kind of stinks.
The Mummy Returns (Bravo, 8:00 PM EDT)
Brendan Fraser fronts an overblown but basically agreeable sequel to the surprise hit.
X-Men Origins: Wolverine (FX, 8:00 PM EDT)
You know, I think Dominic Monaghan’s sad-sack mutant may be the most interesting thing about this movie.
XXX (FX, 10:30 PM EDT)
I won’t justify this film, but it’s definitely got some guilty pleasure vibes.
Star Trek: first Contact (IFC, 8:00 PM EDT)
Jean-Luc Picard and the gang battle the Borg, who plan to stop humanity’s first faster-than-light space flight. Another top notch entry in the venerable franchise.
Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (IFC, 10:30 PM EDT)
This is a 1990 sequel to the Tobe Hooper original, interesting only because Viggo Mortensen has a supporting role.
Clash of the Titans (TNT, 10:00 PM EDT)
The 2010 version leaves a lot to be desired. A whole lot.
The Walking Dead (AMC, 9:00 PM EDT)
Michonne grows more wary of the Governor, while Rick deals with another huge loss.
Dexter (Showtime, 9:00 PM EDT)
They only list the title, “Chemistry” this week. We’re pretty sure it will be cool regardless.
Once Upon a Time (ABC, 8:00 PM EDT)
Ruby becomes the chief suspect in a murder taking place during the full moon.
666 Park Avenue (ABC, 10:00 PM EDT)
Jane looks for Nona’s grandmother and uncovers one of the Drake’s biggest secrets in the bargain.
Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs (FMC, 8:00 PM EDT and 10:00 PM EDT)
AKA The One with Simon Pegg. It still sucks.
Star Trek: Insurrection (IFC, 8:00 PM EDT)
IFC’s week of Trek ends with a rather bad one.
Stargate (Sundance, 10:10 PM EDT)
Before the TV show, there was this modestly decent bit of popcorn starring Kurt Russell and James Spader.
Outlander (Syfy, 6:30 PM EDT)
Jim Caviezel plays a visitor from space who helps an ancient human civilization kill a monster. Woot.
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (Syfy, 9:00 PM EDT)
We’re going to forgive Joseph Gordon-Levitt this one… and pray the sequel does better.
300 (TNT, 8:00 PM EDT)
“THIS… IS… GERARD BUTLER’S ONLY HIT!!!”
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest (TNT, 10:30 PM EDT)
This pretty good Pirates outing makes a decent way to close out the week. Hope it’s a good one everyone!