12 Comments | Add
Rate & Share:
Related Links:
Info:
TV Wasteland: Escape from Alcatraz
Fox launches J.J. Abrams newest joint. By
Rob Vaux
January 16, 2012
Alcatraz enters the TV Wasteland(2012).
© FOX/Robert Trate
J.J. Abrams is back, and he’s brought his Lost formula with him. Fox is betting big that the new series Alcatraz – starring Lost alum Jorge Garcia and featuring a similarly freaky premise – will do for them what the old show did for ABC. There’s a fair amount to get excited about. The former island prison has a ghostly air about it and the notion that hundreds of prisoners suddenly vanished years ago only to reappear in the present day is very cool. We’re also excited about Garcia playing someone very different than the amiable Hurley, and with God-king of cool actors Sam Neill along for the ride, it’s definitely worth tuning in.
The problem? Well, to be perfectly frank, we may be suffering from a bit of Lost fatigue. Climbing onto another roller coaster with endless questions that are answered only with more questions feels a tad daunting, especially after the disappointing way that Lost wrapped itself up. Alcatraz may prove hardier than that, but once the central question runs its course, will the show have enough to hold our interest? You can find out tonight, Monday, at 8:00 PM EST on Fox when the new show premieres.
Monday
Alcatraz (Fox, 8:00 PM EST)
Fox hopes to tap into that Lost magic with a new series about mysterious disappearances at the world’s most infamous prison. See the top of the article for more.
Being Human (Syfy, 9:00 PM EST)
Season Two begins as Sally experiences an uptick in strength and Adrian ponders the new situation in the vampire community.
Lost Girl (Syfy, 10:00 PM EST)
Syfy unveils a new Canadian import about a young woman who learns that she’s actually a soul-sucking fae. We’re there!
Die Hard (AMC, 8:00 PM EST)
You missed Christmas AMC. Please watch the movie again and adjust your schedule accordingly.
Armageddon (FX, 7:00 PM EST)
I’m confused: is this the crappy Michael Bay end-of-the-world movie or the crappy Roland Emmerich end-of-the-world movie?
Red Riding Hood (HBO, 9:00 PM EST)
The director of Twilight tries to duplicate the formula, but without Stephanie Meyer’s contract with Satan, she couldn’t bring in the audiences.
Hostel and Hostel Part II (IFC, 8:00 PM EST and 10:00 PM EST)
Yes Eli, you’re a daring and relentless horror auteur. Now run along.
Resident Evil: Afterlife (Starz, 7:20 PM EST)
It plays like a video game. That’s kind of the point.
TRON: Legacy (Starz, 9:00 PM EST)
Mark my words, this baby is going to age like fine merlot.
Tuesday
Die Hard 2 (AMC, 8:00 PM EST)
I can’t remember if they actually called this one Die Harder or not. In any case, it’s not bad.
Dark Water (Syfy, 7:00 PM EST)
Jennifer Connelly, what did we say? What did we do?
The Haunting in Connecticut (Syfy, 9:00 PM EST)
See, this is why you should never move in to a refurbished funeral home.
Battle: Los Angeles (Starz, 7:00 PM EST)
Oh come on, people, it’s not that bad!
Men in Black (Starz, 9:00 PM EST)
On the other hand, I don’t imagine Battle: Los Angeles will hold up as well as this one has.
From Hell (IFC, 8:00 PM EST)
Johnny Depp rocks an unusually literate version of the Alan Moore graphic novel about the hunt for Jack the Ripper.
The Thaw (IFC, 10:30 PM EST)
Apparently, “independent film” means “barely watchable cheesy horror,” as this silly Val Kilmer vehicle demonstrates.
The Mechanic (Showtime, 9:25 EST)
Jason Statham is good, but he can do better than this unnecessarily greasy remake of the Charles Bronson original.
2012 (FX, 6:30 PM EST)
Oh right, this is the crappy Roland Emmerich end-of-the-world movie…
I’ll also point out that the awesome Justified returns to FX tonight at 10. Neal McDonough joins the cast, and he truly rocks. Just sayin’.
Wednesday
Ghost Hunters (Syfy, 9:00 PM EST)
The team visits a haunted hotel in upstate New York and another haunted house in Massachusetts.
Face Off (Syfy, 10:00 PM EST)
The remaining contestants visit the Aquarium of the Pacific, where they must design make-up for a waterproof monster.
The Manchurian Candidate (TCM, 10:00 PM EST)
The final word on political conspiracy films pits Frank Sinatra against an unwitting communist sleeper. Still brilliant, still chilling.
Die Hard with a Vengeance (AMC, 8:00 PM EST)
Adding Sam Jackson does not necessarily improve the formula, as this lackluster sequel demonstrates.
Clash of the Titans (Cinemax, 8:15 PM EST)
They keep saying the sequel will be better. It’s certainly hard to see how it could get any worse.
Thursday
The Big Bang Theory (CBS, 8:00 PM EST)
Leonard and Penny go out to dinner in a move that may or may not rekindle their romance. As long as she can keep her Star Trek captains straight, she’s golden.
The Vampire Diaries (The CW, 8:00 PM EST)
Klaus entreats Stefan to turn control of his family coffins over to him, while Bonnie makes nice with her estranged mother.
The Secret Circle (The CW, 9:00 PM EST)
Unless Cassie can figure out how her father died, she’s going out the same way. Which would suck. A lot.
My Bloody Valentine (Syfy, 7:00 PM EST)
I never thought I’d say this, but… it’s not as cool without the 3D.
Constantine (Syfy, 9:00 PM EST)
Kudos to Keanu Reeves for eschewing the English accent. It may have saved the film.
Inception (Cinemax, 7:30 PM EST)
Christopher Nolan’s mind-bender is rapidly taking on the trappings of a modern classic. Funny the way his movies do that…
The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (Cinemax, 10:00 PM EST)
Don’t let the dazzling acrobatics of Inception prevent you from changing the channel as quickly as possible when it’s over.
Alien (IFC, 8:00 PM EST)
Has Ridley Scott ever been better? I don’t think so… and that’s saying something.
Alien 3 (IFC, 10:30 PM EST)
And they ran the cruddy Part 3 instead of the awesome Part 2 because…?
X-Men (FMC, 8:00 PM EST)
Bryan Singer launches the mutant-happy franchise and helps establish comic book films as a legitimate box office draw in the bargain. Nice gong Bryan!
Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (FMC, 10:00 PM EST)
This is an unrated version of one of the very worst movies ever made. I’m guessing the new material doesn’t help.
Friday
Fringe (Fox, 9:00 PM EST)
Peter and the parallel Fringe group take on a new foe that may or may not resemble an old one.
Chuck (NBC, 8:00 PM EST)
Chuck and Sara confront Nicholas Quinn on the Japanese bullet train. Considering how they literally cram everyone into those things, I’m surprised they have enough room to throw a punch.
Grimm (NBC, 9:00 PM EST)
A man’s haunted past may hold the answers to an ugly murder. Isn’t that always the way?
Merlin (Syfy, 10:00 PM EST)
Someone’s trying to kill Arthur during his birthday party. Hope he has someone pre-taste the cake.
Star Wars: The Clone Wars (Cartoon, 8:00 PM EST)
Cad Bane returns, and for reasons too complicated to explain, Obi-Wan has to lend him a hand.
RED (Showtime, 8:30 PM EST)
It had such potential…
Sucker Punch (Cinemax, 7:35 PM EST)
Move along. Nothing to see here.
Jurassic Park (AMC, 8:00 PM EST)
Steve Spielberg loves him the dinosaurs, doesn’t he?
Planet of the Apes (FMC, 8:00 PM EST)
Everybody relax, it’s the crappy Tim Burton version.
Supernatural is a rerun this week.
Saturday
The Fades (BBC America, 9:00 PM EST)
Neil prepares for his upcoming battle with the Fades, forcing Paul to decide where he stands.
Wyvern (Syfy, 7:00 PM EST)
The late Don S. Davis pays the rent in another silly Syfy movie about a dragon attacking an Alaska town.
Snow Beast (Syfy, 9:00 PM EST)
John Schneider battles abominable snowmen in the wilds of Canada. Stay classy, Syfy.
Underworld (Cinemax, 8:00 PM EST)
Watching the first one won’t make the fourth one any better…
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1 (Cienmax, 10:00 PM EST)
The bad news is that it ends on a cliffhanger. The good news is that the finale is just a Netflix queue away.
The Prestige (IFC, 8:00 PM EST)
Christopher Nolan’s tale of rival magicians who goad each other into damnation is a certified masterpiece… though with two of the biggest stars in the world, it hardly qualifies as independent.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (IFC, 10:45 PM EST)
As remakes go, it’s actually pretty good, if a tad on the nihilistic side.
Priest (Starz, 9:00 PM EST)
This Paul Bettany vehicle about a warrior priest battling vampires got eaten alive last summer, and sadly doesn’t merit a second look.
Sunday
Once Upon a Time (ABC, 8:00 PM EST)
The arrival of a new figure in town gives Emma and Regina an all-too-rare common foe. Over in fairy tale land, Snow White has to watch her prince marry the wrong-wrong-wrong girl.
The Wolfman (Cinemax, 8:15 PM EST)
Benicio del Toro and some terrific make-up effects help this remake transcend its unjustly maligned reputation.
X2: X-Men United (Cinemax, 10:00 PM EST)
Still one of the best entries in the X-Men franchise, just behind the incredible First Class.
Avatar (HBO, 7:15 PM EST)
James Cameron swooped down with his 3D monster and took all our money with him. Most people didn’t mind a bit.
Ferocious Planet (Syfy, 7:00 PM EST)
A group of scientists get sucked into another dimension, full of crappy CGI that threatens to devour them whole. Woot.
Land of the lost (Syfy, 9:00 PM EST)
As far as I’m concerned, Will Ferrell touches bottom here. *shudder*
Murders in the Rue Morgue (TCM, 8:00 PM EST)
Bela Lugosi stars in a sterling version of the classic story. Followed by a ton of great genre flicks on Turner Classic, including…
The Black Cat (TCM, 9:15 PM EST)
… in which Boris Karloff joins Bela in a tale of Satanic cults and mad plots. And…
Island of Lost Souls (TCM, 10:30 PM EST)
…in which Charles Laughton rocks the house as the infamous Dr. Moreau. Thank you TCM for rescuing our evening!
LOGIN
REGISTER
RSS
HOME
Awesome rundown Rob!