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TV Wasteland: Femme Fatal
The CW tries to resurrected Nikita By
Rob Vaux
September 07, 2010
La Femme Nikita enters the TV Wasteland
© Bob Trate
The CW gets an early jump on the fall season with its premiere of Nikita this Thursday. Some may suppose that the show is an updating of the well-regarded USA series La Femme Nikita, itself based on the classic Luc Besson action film (and the far-less-classic American remake). They suppose right. Maggie Q picks up the title role, playing a former criminal trained as a killer by a secretive government agency, only to turn on them once their manipulative head games go too far.
Unfortunately, this particular horse has more or less run its race. What seemed fresh and innovative in the 1990s now smells like week-old-cheese, as Q’s Nikita dodges agency efforts to kill her and possibly make contact with another girl trapped in their training program. The pilot carries no juice whatsoever, as the CW’s usual gaggle of Pretty Young Things chafe under their government masters and Nikita’s old trainer obsesses about finally bagging her. Q gives it her best shot, but her skeletal runway model physique lacks either the muscle or the beauty to sell us on her character, while the remainder of the cast equates arrogance with menace and sneers with articulation.
Granted, the CW’s usual youthful audience members might not care. High school and college kids likely didn’t watch the earlier series, and the original movie is twenty years in the rearview mirror (and in French to boot). If the new Nikita allows otherwise-uninterested viewers to discover those older incarnations, its stint may be worth it. On its own, however, it gives us nothing but reheated leftovers, and comparing it to even the modest charms of Human Target or Burn Notice compounds its also-ran status. But with little competition this early in the game, you may want to take a look and decide for yourself.
Nikita premieres this Thursday at 9:00 PM EDT on the WB.
Monday
The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (Syfy, 6:00 PM EDT)
Just ignore this steaming pile of bacterial feces and read the truly extraordinary graphic novel from whence it sprang. Also, someone tell Alan Moore to cheer up: we all hated this too.
Underworld (Syfy, 8:30 PM EDT)
Take a look at our Fright Night coverage and tell me that David Tennent’s Peter Vincent doesn’t bear an eerie resemblance to Michael Sheen in this film.
Inkheart (Cinemax, 8:00 PM EDT)
One crappy original fantasy movie…
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (Cinemax, 10:00 PM EDT)
… trumped by one very good fantasy sequel. Who’d have thunk it?
Tuesday
Warehouse 13 (Syfy, 9:00 PM EDT)
H.G Wells (Jamie Murray) actually has a time machine, and it sends Bering (Joanne Kelly) and Latimer (Eddie McClintock) back to the savage days of 1961. Maybe they can tell Jack Kennedy to postpone that trip to Dallas…
Unnatural History (Cartoon, 8:00 PM EDT)
Multiple assassination attempts on a prominent ambassador appear to stem from hypnotized killers.
Cloverfield (FX, 8:00 PM EDT)
Shaky-cam may induce vomiting, but damn that monster is worth it.
Wednesday
Ghost Hunters (Syfy, 9:00 PM EDT)
The team probes Civil War ghosts in New Jersey and a haunted inn in New Hampshire.
Inglourious Basterds (Showtime, 6:25 PM EDT)
Though the center is awfully soggy, director Quentin Tarantino girds it with one of the best monologues in years and a gaggle of marvelously loopy performances.
Thursday
The Vampire Diaries (The CW, 8:00 PM EDT)
Oh yeah, this little gem is back. Vomit bags are available for those lamenting the fall of the vampire genre at the hands of Sweet Valley High.
Nikita (The CW, 9:00 PM EDT)
The CW dusts La Femme Nikita off for a 21st century go ‘round. See the top of the article for more.
Destination Truth (Syfy, 9:00 PM EDT)
A new season of the Syfy reality series opens with a look at ghosts in the ruins of Pompeii and a monstrous predator in the wilds of Africa.
Beast Legends (Syfy, 10:00 PM EDT)
A new reality series begins tonight, this one a MonsterQuest-style effort examining tales of mythical creatures and their possible basis in fact. The first episode looks at a good one: the Kraken.
Futurama is a rerun this week. The Universe and Stan Lee’s Superhumans are both off.
Friday
Eureka (Syfy, 9:00 PM EDT)
A theft from Global Dynamics points to Grant (James Callis), whose disappearance makes him a prime suspect.
Haven (Syfy, 10:00 PM EDT)
A supernatural killer ruins Audrey’s (Emily Rose) surprise party by copiously slaughtering a bunch of people we’ve never seen before. Woot.
Jennifer’s Body (HBO, 9:00 PM EDT)
Last time I mention it, I promise. Seriously, it’s not bad at all.
Spider-Man 3 (FX, 8:00 PM EDT)
Okay, maybe they polished off Venom too quickly, but I still think people didn’t give this one a chance.
Men in Black II (Cinemax, 10:00 PM EDT)
We did give this one a chance. It blew it.
The Fellowship of the Ring (TNT, 8:00 PM EDT)
This one didn’t blow a damn thing. The Academy handled blowing things when it failed to give the film Best Picture.
Saturday
Being Human (BBC America, 9:00 PM EDT)
Being Human returns with new revelations about the vampire massacre and Annie (Lenora Crichlow) deciding to move on to the next plane of existence.
Jules Verne’s Mysterious Island (Syfy, 5:00 PM EDT)
Damn you, Patrick Stewart. Why can’t you stick to classy projects?
Mandrake (Syfy, 5:00 PM EDT)
You know you’re touching bottom when animated vegetable roots serve as your monster.
The Two Towers (TNT, 8:00 PM EDT)
Calling this the weakest film in the trilogy is kind of like talking about the worst Hall of Fame pitcher, isn’t it?
Sunday
True Blood (HBO, 9:00 PM EDT)
Is Erik (Alexander Skarsgard) really dead? Is Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) really possessed? Is Sookie (Anna Paquin) ready to get off the undead merry-go-round and toss Bill (Stephen Moyer) to the curb like so much undead garbage? We may have to wait until next season to find out, but you ought to catch the finale now just in case they cut us a break.
The Gates (ABC, 10:00 PM EDT)
The modest summer hit embarks upon its last three episodes, as Claire (Rhona Mitra) receives a visit from a social worker and Nick’s (Frank Grillo) past returns to haunt him.
Ghost Town (Syfy, 7:00 PM EDT)
Syfy reruns an awfully bad movie about a group of college kids menaced by ghosts in a western town.
Goblin (Syfy, 9:00 PM EDT)
This one is… hey what am I saying? It’s Syfy! It’s got to be good!
The Return of the King (TNT, 8:00 PM EDT)
If you thought the movie had too many endings, try reading the book sometime.
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Nikita will be cancelled after 3-6 episodes. Although since it is on the WB maybe it will last 1 season.