13 Comments | Add
Rate & Share:
TV Wasteland: June Gloom
Summer series continue to ramp up this week.
By Rob Vaux
June 17, 2013
A comparatively quiet week this week, as summer shows settle into their routine and the networks by and large bow out. Here’s what’s coming the next seven days.
Defiance (Syfy, 9:00 PM EDT)
A deadly disease hits Defiance, forcing the Irathients to seal themselves up in the mines lest they catch it.
Warehouse 13 (Syfy, 10:00 PM EDT)
A gated community gets hit with a series of vengeance killings, sending Bering and Latimer to check it out.
Teen Wolf (MTV, 10:00 PM EDT)
Scott and Derek need some help. Bet you’ll never guess where they get it.
King Kong (AMC, 8:00 PM EDT)
Peter Jackson spent his Lord of the Rings influence on rebooting the greatest giant monkey story ever, with results that still can’t eclipse the immortal original.
Red Eye (Cinemax, 10:00 PM EDT)
The Scarecrow runs a hapless flyer through the ringer in one of Wes Craven’s better efforts to date.
X-Men Origins: Wolverine (FX, 8:00 PM EDT)
Okay, I’ll say it: I really liked Liev Shreiber as Sabretooth.
Gone (Showtime, 8:25 PM EDT)
Amanda Seyfried dodges a serial killer in a seriously goofy would-be thriller.
Exit (Syfy, 10:00 PM EDT)
This week’s collection of hapless victims include a pair of MMA fighters, a set of twins, a pair of computer programmers and two dance instructors.
The Bone Collector (Cinemax, 8:00 PM EDT)
Angelina Jolie helps Denzel Washington stop a serial killer… but the title is frankly too weird to get past.
2012 (FX, 8:00 PM EDT)
Look out Africa: here come the white people! (Trust me, in the context of the movie it makes perfect sense.)
The Dark Knight Rises (HBO, 8:00 PM EDT)
The textbook definition of “disappointing but still pretty good.” Repeats on Saturday at 10:00 PM EDT.
The Fugitive (IFC, 10:30 PM EDT)
Tommy Lee Jones chases Harrison Ford through Chicago, and It. Is. Awesome.
Brave (Starz, 7:25 PM EDT)
And Pixar won and Oscar for this… why exactly?
Ghost Hunters (Syfy, 9:00 PM EDT)
The team heads to Little Rock, where a family grapples with a supposedly haunted bungalow.
Paranormal Witness (Syfy, 10:00 PM EDT)
A trio of brothers tale about their childhood home and its possible status as a haunted house.
Looper (Starz, 8:00 PM EDT)
Joseph Gordon-Levitt can do no wrong these days. Case in point…
Robocop (BBC America, 8:00 PM EDT)
BBC America wins the Double-Feature of the Week award, starting with Peter Weller’s fantastic cybernetic law enforcer.
The Exorcist (BBC America, 10:00 PM EDT)
Not good enough, you say? How about the greatest horror movie ever made as a chaser?
The Shining (IFC, 8:00 PM EDT)
Stanley Kubrick really pissed off Stephen King, but by all other accounts created a classic.
Deep Impact (Cinemax, 10:45 PM EDT)
I keep forgetting: does Elijah Wood buy it in this one or no?
Hannibal (NBC, 10:00 PM EDT)
Will is framed for murder, leading to a possible escape and other forms of zaniness to prove his innocence.
Burn Notice (USA, 9:00 PM EDT)
Michael has to make a dangerous trade in Central America, prompting Sam and Jesse to head down with him to watch his back.
Wilfred (FX, 10:00 PM EDT)
The stoner comedy about the talking dog returns with Ryan seeking out Wilfred’s first owner.
Dawn of the Dead (Syfy, 7:00 PM EDT)
Zack Snyder seems to enjoy doing reboots, doesn’t he?
Resident Evil: Afterlife (Syfy, 9:00 PM EDT)
Milla Jovovich knows where to hang her hat: anywhere near rampaging zombies.
Snow White and the Huntsman (Cinemax, 10:00 PM EDT)
Not what we’d call a winner, even with the gorgeous production design.
The Shawshank Redemption (IFC, 8:00 PM EDT)
Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman deliver the best adaptation of a Stephen King story to date.
Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai (Sundance, 6:30 PM EDT)
Forest Whitaker does pretty well as a modern-day hitman who lives by the ancient code of bushido.
Continuum (Syfy, 10:00 PM EDT)
A new drug from the future hits the streets, prompting Kiera to hunt down the source.
Drive Angry (Showtime, 9:00 PM EDT)
This film gets props just for thanking Bill Murray and Punxsutawney Phil in the closing credits
Raiders of the Lost Ark and Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (Spike, 7:00 PM EDT and 9:30 PM EDT)
The Man with the Hat is in residence all weekend over on Spike. The first three films (sans Crystal Skull) repeat on Saturday starting at 3:30 PM EDT. Last Crusade and Crystal Skull run on Sunday starting at 6:00 PM EDT.
The Dark Knight (TBS, 9:00 PM EDT)
Best superhero movie ever? You could make that case.
Zombieland (FX, 8:00 PM EDT and 10:00 PM EDT)
Like comedy with your undead apocalypse? These folks have got your hook-up.
Dark Shadows (HBO, 8:00 PM EDT)
Tim Burton may have just touched bottom here.
X2: X-Men United (BBC America, 9:00 PM EDT)
Appropriate that the second X-Men big-screen adventure is also the second best to date.
Resident Evil: Apocalypse (Cinemax, 8:20 PM EDT)
More Milla. And zombies. And the killing of the latter by the former.
Idiocracy (Comedy, 8:24 PM EDT)
Truly a harbinger of things to come.
Sinbad (Syfy, 9:00 PM EDT)
Sinbad loses the Providence on a gamble, forcing him to tell everyone about his curse. Not sure how that works, but I bet the fans can fill us in.
Primeval: New World (Syfy, 10:00 PM EDT)
Evan and Dylan head back in time on a deadly rescue mission. With dinosaurs!
Zero Hour (ABC, 8:00 PM EDT)
Drink it in folks; once this runs its course, there’s nothing left.
666 Park Avenue (ABC, 9:00 PM EDT)
Behold! Another canceled show begins its burn-off.
Die Another Day (Showtime, 6:45 PM EDT)
For those of you who find Moonraker too gritty and hard-core, Pierce Brosnan has a flat-out James Bond cartoon for you!
Independence Day (A&E, 8:00 PM EDT)
Heck, it’s close enough to the holiday to count.
The Hills Have Eyes and The Hills Have Eyes II (IFC, 8:00 PM EDT and 10:15 PM EDT)
This is the very good remake and its very bad sequel.
RED (TNT, 8:00 PM EDT)
Bruce Willis: not a man with whom one fucks. Repeats on Sunday at 7:45 PM EDT.
True Blood (HBO, 9:00 PM EDT)
Bill keeps experimenting with his new powers, while Sookie and Jason find out more about their fae past.
Falling Skies (TNT, 10:00 PM EDT)
Tom gets to meet the leader of the friendly aliens, who we’re praying to God is also being played by Doug Jones.
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (BBC America, 6:00 PM EDT)
And… it’s the middle chapter all on its own again.
Silent Hill (IFC, 6:15 PM EDT)
IFC devotes the evening to a pair of truly shitty horror movies.
House of 1,000 Corpses (IFC, 9:00 PM EDT)
Yes, even this one. Especially this one.
The Amazing Spider-Man (Starz, 9:00 PM EDT)
It’s a solid film, but these reboots are starting to get old.
The Professional (Sundance, 8:15 PM EDT)
It’s never the wrong time for Luc Besson’s action thriller classic.
Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (Syfy, 7:00 PM EDT)
Bill Nighy and Michael Sheen camp it up as only classically trained British actors can.
The Ruins (Syfy, 9:00 PM EDT)
Not a bad little horror flick, if you can excuse some real wonkiness.