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TV Wasteland: In Like a Lion

March arrives with little fanfare on the Wasteland

By Rob Vaux     March 04, 2013
Source: Mania.com

 The first week of March proves to be a fairly quiet one, with a lot of shows hauling out reruns and more just entering their post-sweeps stride. Here’s what’s coming up in the next seven days.

 

Monday

The Following (Fox, 9:00 PM EST)
Carroll tries to get moved to another holding spot, while Emma and Joey arrange a meeting with one of Roderick’s men.
 
Continuum (Syfy, 8:00 PM EST)
A video game company forms a tenuous link between two murder-suicides that take place on the exact same day.
 
Being Human (Syfy, 9:00 PM EST)
Josh proposes to Nora, while Sally’s mortal remains have apparently gone a bit gamey.
 
Lost Girl (Syfy, 10:00 PM EST)
Bo heads back to the farm to deal with her past and receive some new traumas as well. Rapture!
 
Kick-Ass (Spike, 10:00 PM EST)
I don’t know how the sequel will do, but the original is one of the best superhero movies ever made. Repeats Tuesday at 7:15 PM EST.
 
The Chronicles of Riddick (Cinemax, 10:00 PM EST)
After a rough theatrical run, this sequel to Vin Diesel’s Pitch Black is getting a second look. People seem to like what they see.
 
Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian (FMC, 8:00 PM EST and 10:00 PM EST)
Sequels don’t get any more hackneyed and uninspiring than this one.
 
Ghost Rider (FX, 8:00 PM EST)
I’d say it sucks, but then again, I’ve seen Part 2.
 
Battleship (HBO, 9:00 PM EST)
Thankfully, there will be no Part 2 to this Taylor Kitsch-starring turkey.
 
John Carter (Starz, 6:45 PM EST)
Poor old Kitsch just took it on the chin last year. This one, sadly, really didn’t deserve it.
 

Tuesday

Face Off (Syfy, 9:00 PM EST)
The contestants need to create monster make-up that glows in the dark. It’s a double-elimination round this week, so the stakes are high.
 
Robot Combat League (Syfy, 10:00 PM EST)
They’re sparse on the details this week. On the other hand, there’s not a whole lot to this show besides the robots fighting.
 
The Transporter (AMC, 10:31 PM EST)
Jason Statham set up a nice little franchise for himself, playing a criminal driver who helps a young kidnapped woman. The movies were never great shakes, but they really gave Statham a boost.
 
Zodiac (FMC, 7:00 PM EST and 10:30 PM EST)
David Fincher’s obtuse, almost impenetrable look at the hunt for the Zodiac killer still retains the perverse fascination of his best work.
 
Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows (HBO, 8:00 PM EST)
Robert Downey’s second turn as the famous detective turns out to be a massive disappointment.
 
Groundhog Day (IFC, 8:00 PM EST and 10:15 PM EST)
Bill Murray was never better, was he?
 
The Haunted Mansion (Starz, 7:30 PM EST)
If you ever need a reminder of how good The Pirates of the Caribbean movies are, just remember that they could have been this.
 
The Amazing Spider-Man (Starz, 9:00 PM EST)
Sony reboots the superhero franchise with solid results. Repeats on Friday at 6:40 PM EST.
 
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (Sundance, 8:00 PM EST)
Sundance, one of the few cable stations with some integrity left, airs the original Scandinavian version.
 

Wednesday

Dreamworks Dragons: Riders of Berk (Cartoon, 8:00 PM EST)
Fishlegs finds a rare gem that puts a group of Changewings on his tail.
 
Haunted Collector (Syfy, 9:00 PM EST)
The team checks out a haunted farm and a haunted nightclub.
 
Bell, Book and Candle (TCM, 9:00 PM EST)
Twilight fans take note: this dated 1950s movie about a clan of witches in modern New York has aged extremely poorly. Your franchise is looking to do the same thing.
 
Alice in Wonderland (ABC Family, 6:00 PM EST)
It still looks good and still has nothing else to offer.
 
Twilight (ABC Family, 8:30 PM EST)
Remember how magical it was when it all began? Me neither. Repeats Thursday at 6:30 PM EST.
 
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (AMC, 8:00 PM EST and 10:31 PM EST)
*Checks* Yup. Those Oompa-Loompas are still creepy.
 
The Shining (BBC America, 8:00 PM EST)
You can always count on the BBC to class things up with a legendary horror picture.
 
Knight and Day (FX, 7:30 PM EST)
Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz still have some moves left. Repeats on Saturday at 8:00 PM EST and 10:30 PM EST.
 
Transporter 3 (IFC, 8:00 PM EST)
Jason, Jason, Jason…
 
Signs (IFC, 10:15 PM EST)
M. Night Shyamalan’s tale of alien invasion has a lot of goofiness, but still retains a surprising amount of power.
 
The Fantastic Four (Spike, 8:00 PM EST)
Here’s a series in dire need of a reboot. Apparently, one is in the works.
 
The Guardian (Spike, 10:30 PM EST)
I can never hate Mario Van Peebles, no matter how many crappy movies he makes.
 
The Fog (Starz, 7:10 PM EST)
Find the John Carpenter original rather than sitting through this one. You’ll be glad you did.
 
Underworld: Awakening (Starz, 9:00 PM EST)
And… franchise is over. Thanks for playing.
 
Priest (Starz, 10:30 PM EST)
I can tolerate a lot for Paul Bettany’s sake, but there’s too much wasted potential in this one.
 
Arrow and Supernatural are both reruns tonight.
 

Thursday

The Big Bang Theory (CBS, 8:00 PM EST)
Raj finally seems to have a girl, and preps himself for a date while the other guys talk science to a group of junior-high students.
 
Zero Hour (ABC, 8:00 PM EST)
Vincent gets hurt and Lalia comes to his aid, hoping to find a way to escape in the process.
 
King of the Nerds (TBS, 10:00 PM EST)
The new king is crowned from the surviving three contestants, who must face down a maze and a trivia test. 
 
Volcano (Cinemax, 10:00 PM EST)
Tommy Lee Jones headlines a ridiculous disaster flick about a volcano that erupts in the La Brea Tar Pits. Personal note: back when they were shooting, I got chased off of the set by a surly security guard. 
 
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (IFC, 8:00 PM EST)
Douglas Adams’ iconic sci-fi satire gets a reliable treatment on the big screen.
 
The Omen (IFC, 10:15 PM EST)
STINKY REMAKE!!! REMAKE BAD!!!
 
Elementary, The Vampire Diaries and Beauty and the Beast are reruns.
 

Friday

Grimm (NBC, 9:00 PM EST)
Nick has to investigate a crime he himself committed, even while he grapples with revelations about Juliette and Renard.
 
Nikita (The CW, 8:00 PM EST)
Stefan’s men capture Nikita and Amanda, who must put their differences aside to get free.
 
Spartacus: War of the Damned (Starz, 9:00 PM EST)
Crassus attacks the city, even while plotting some bit of horribleness behind the scenes.
 
Merlin (Syfy , 10:00 PM EST)
Merlin shows Arthur how Gwen betrayed him, and Arthur vows to bring his lady love back from the Dark Side.
 
X2: X-Men United (FMC, 8:00 PM EST)
Bryan Singer helmed this one. He’s also helming Days of Future Past. And they wonder why we’re so excited.
 
Constantine (AMC, 7:30 PM EST)
I have to admit it: I kind of dig Keanu Reeves here.
 
The Day After Tomorrow (Cinemax, 7:50 PM EST)
They outrun the cold front. That is all.
 
Transporter 2 and 3 (Spike, 7:00 PM EST and 9:00 PM EST)
Spike gives you an evening full of mediocre Jason Statham sequels. Also Axe ads. Are you excited yet?
 
Inglourious Basterds (TNT, 8:00 PM EST)
How much does Christoph Waltz love Quentin Tarantino these days?
 

Saturday

Lake Placid 3 (Syfy, 7:00 PM EST)
I know there’s just one question on everyone’s mind: there was a Lake Placid 2?
 
Flying Monkeys (Syfy, 9:00 PM EST)
It has nothing to do with Oz. They just gave it this name to ride those Great and Powerful coattails.
 
Underworld (AMC, 8:00 PM EST)
They just need to show us Kate Beckinsale stride around in that catsuit and call it a movie. Oh wait: they did.
 
The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (AMC, 10:30 PM EST)
Someone needs to get Sean Connery out of retirement just so that his career doesn’t end on this turkey.
 
Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs (Cartoon, 7:00 PM EST)
A great film that – like many other great films – is really pushing its luck with a sequel.
 
Zombieland (FMC, 8:00 PM EST and 10:00 PM EST)
I’m not a big fan of this one, but I do appreciate the fact that the zombie apocalypse is getting its own subgenres.
 

Sunday

The Walking Dead (AMC, 9:00 PM EDT)
Rick and the Governor mull the possibility of a peace treaty… which I wouldn’t bet on personally.
 
Once Upon a Time (ABC, 8:00 PM EDT)
Rumplstiltskin plays his usual games in a story set in the fairy tale universe.
 
Ice Quake (Syfy , 7:00 PM EDT)
Syfy dedicates its Sunday to wintery environmental disaster movies.
 
Snowmageddon (Syfy, 9:00 PM EDT)
Okay, this one features an evil snow-globe, but still.
 
Rise of the Planet of the Apes (Cinemax. 8:15 PM EDT)
The sequel’s starting to look really good, but matching the original is going to be a tall order.
 
Knowing (FMC, 8:00 PM EST and 10:30 PM EDT)
If you look closely, you can spot the exact moment this Nicolas Cage vehicle leaves the rails.
 
Apocalypse Now (IFC, 6:00 PM EDT)
I don’t like commercials in general but interrupting Francis Ford Coppola’s masterpiece to sell us beer is an absolute abomination.
 
Rambo 4 (IFC, 9:15 PM EDT)
Thank you , Sylvester Stallone, for teaching us how to enjoy death again.
 
XXX: State of the Union (Starz, 7:15 PM EDT)
They’re not going to stop screening this, are they?
 

COMMENTS AND RESPONSES

Showing items 1 - 7 of 7
1 
fenngibbon 3/4/2013 2:56:11 AM

 Why doesn't Archer ever get mentioned in this column?  

cinemaman72 3/4/2013 7:04:42 AM

Good Question!

jackwagon 3/4/2013 9:21:25 AM

Re: Knowing

My money is on the moment where Nicolas Cage slaps a tree with a bat in order to show off how tough he is.

mellowdoux 3/4/2013 10:13:43 AM

 Knowing went off the rails... well... pretty much on the day Cage was born.

millean 3/4/2013 3:19:44 PM

Somebody seemed to be in a surly mood when they wrote this...  Very few positive things to say.  However, a lot of your points are quite valid.

However, I rather liked Underworld Awakening.  Admittedly, I liked the ideas they presented more than the execution, but I would like to see where the semi-planned sequel of this one would have gone.

Not mentioned above is the Joe Schmo Show on Spike (nor should it be, for that matter, but I'm still going to talk about it).  This one hasn't been the best of the different seasons, but I love the concept and humor of this series.  Take an average schmo off the streets, screw with his head, show everybody how good of a guy he is, and then give him a bunch of money when you're done.  Hope they make more seasons after this!  :)

 

Mayhem101878 3/4/2013 10:20:02 PM

I agree with you millean about Joe Schmo it's such a good concept I saw the first two seasons and was glad that they brought it back.

I'm a little confused about the King of the Nerds I thought that they were only down to the final 4 and not three last I saw it was Ivan, Celeste, the hot looking Danielle, and Geniveve. When did they loose the 4th one? Or did you just put in the description for next weeks?

millean 3/5/2013 7:30:49 AM

Yeah, I think King of the Nerds is down to 4 contestants, not just 3.  However, I do believe that this upcoming episode is still the finale.  (Heard them tease it that way on a promo a couple of weeks ago, if memory serves me correctly.)

So Mayhem and I must watch all the same TV shows...  :)

 

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