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TV Wasteland: Mid-Winter Blues

TV Wasteland heads into the second half of February.

By Rob Vaux     February 12, 2012

 

The third week of February finds the usual suspects occupying the boob tube. Let’s have a look!
 
Monday
Alcatraz (Fox, 9:00 PM EST)
The Wheel of Resurrected Inmates lands on a mad bomber this week. Hopefully the learning curve on 50 years’ worth of explosives will keep the damage to a minimum.
 
Being Human (Syfy, 9:00 PM EST)
Josh decides that he doesn’t want to be a werewolf anymore, while Aiden and Suren try to ride herd on the city’s other vampires.
 
Lost Girl (Syfy, 10:00 PM EST)
A fae lowlife needs to learn how a human got the better of him and contracts Bo to help him out.
 
Hellboy II: The Golden Army (FX, 8:00 PM EST)
This may be the worst Guillermo Del Toro movie ever made… which still makes it better than a large number of movies out there.
 
Idiocracy (IFC, 8:00 PM EST)
As I said, it’s not coming; it’s already here…
 
Tuesday
Star Trek (FX, 7:00 PM EST)
Look which franchise got a sexy new coat of paint!
 
Alien and Alien 3 (IFC, 8:00 PM EST and 10:30 PM EST)
Once again, they forego the excellent Part 2 for the fairly cruddy Part 3. Dear God, why?
 
Troy (Syfy, 8:00 PM EST)
Between Hector, the Hulk and Henry VIII, Eric Bana pretty much has the letter H boxed into a corner, doesn’t he?
 
Wednesday
Ghost Hunters (Syfy, 9:00 PM EST)
Providence City Hall is apparently haunted. Whether it’s merely ghosts or more Lovecraftian horrors has yet to be seen.
 
Face Off (Syfy, 10:00 PM EST)
The competitors have to uglify a series of runway models and make a set of triplets look old. Yeah, it’s starting to get weird.
 
Eraser and Commando (AMC , 8:00 PM EST and 10:30 PM EST)
You more or less see both ends of Schwarzenegger’s career here. Not that much has changed.
 
Jumper (FMC, 7:00 PM EST)
I’m not sure Samuel L. Jackson can rock the blonde hair the way Wesley Snipes did…
 
The Happening (FMC, 9:00 PM EST)
I think M. Night touches bottom here… even with The Last Airbender under his belt.
 
Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time (Starz, 7:00 PM EST)
Someday, we will never have to mention this film again…
 
Thursday
The Big Bang Theory (CBS, 8:00 PM EST)
Sheldon squares off against one of his many nemeses in an effort to secure a bigger office at work.
 
The Vampire Diaries (The CW, 8:00 PM EST)
Elijah puts Elena in danger, even as Elena learns some troubling facts about Damon. As the Coffin Turns seems to be in midseason form…
 
The Secret Circle (The CW, 9:00 PM EST)
A sinister figure covets the medallion that Cassie found in the wreckage of her parents’ home.
 
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1 (Cinemax, 7:30 PM EST)
The Woman in Black suggests that Daniel Radcliffe has a future after Harry Potter, but he did get awfully damn good at it didn’t he?
 
Once Upon a Time in Mexico (Cinemax, 10:00 PM EST)
Overindulgence? You’re soaking in it!
 
2012 (FX, 6:30 PM EST)
It’s nice to know we can survive the end of the world, provided we know how to break the laws of physics.
 
TRON: Legacy (Starz, 9:00 PM EST)
The leading man is a trifle bland but the rest of the film just plain rocks.
 
Star Trek: Insurrection (Syfy, 7:00 PM EST)
Along with Nemesis, this turgid Next Generation movie almost nailed the franchise’s coffin shut.
 
Pandorum (Syfy, 9:00 PM EST)
Ben Foster stars in a dystopic science fiction story that really should have been better than it is. “Unpleasant” does not mean “cutting edge,” guys.
 
Friday
Fringe (Fox, 9:00 PM EST)
Olivia investigates a mental patient with disturbing connections to a recent string of murders.
 
Nikita (The CW, 8:00 PM EST)
Nikita learns some new facts about the night she was arrested while Alex comes out about her true identity.
 
Supernatural (The CW, 9:00 PM EST)
A serial killing demon is on the loose again and only a man it once possessed holds the answers.
 
Spartacus: Vengeance (Starz, 10:00 PM EST)
Spartacus and Crixus become separated as they march to safety, while Lucretia searches for more dirt on her best frenemy.
 
Merlin (Syfy, 10:00 PM EST)
Morgana and Alator plan to reveal Merlin’s secret and thus send Camelot into a tizzy. They are a crafty pair, those two…
 
Slither (AMC, 8:00 PM EST)
If you haven’t seen this 2006 effort about a batch of alien worms attacking a small town, you’ve missed a treat. Nathan Fillion and Elizabeth Banks star.
 
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (Starz, 7:00 PM EST)
It’s a middle without a beginning or end, but what a glorious middle it is.
 
Batman Returns (BBC America, 9:00 PM EST)
This film has a lot of problems. Michelle Pfeiffer isn’t one of them.
 
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (USA, 9:00 PM EST)
Cobra Commander could not have planned a more fiendish form of torture if he tried.
 
300 (TNT, 9:00 PM EST)
Gerard Butler isn’t going to do better than this, is he?
 
Star Wars: The Clone Wars is off this week.
 
Saturday
The Fades (BBC America, 9:00 PM EST)
The first seasons ends as the Angelics and the Fades square off at least.
 
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (FX, 6:00 PM EST)
Michael Bay is going to hell for this one. The odd thing is, I don’t think he cares.
 
Ghost Rider (FX, 9:00 PM EST)
Sony didn’t screen the sequel for critics. Looking at the original, it’s not hard to see why.
 
Your Highness (HBO, 8:00 PM EST)
Natalie Portman deserved her Oscar as few others do… and this effort might just negate it completely.
 
Resident Evil: Extinction (TNT, 7:00 PM EST)
This is the one that promised all kinds of awesome Vegas set pieces, only to end up filming them all in a Burbank sand pit somewhere.
 
I Am Legend (TNT, 9:00 PM EST)
Ironically, the only adaptation of the Richard Matheson novel to bear the name actually understands nothing about the Richard Matheson novel.
 
Stonehenge Apocalypse (Syfy, 7:00 PM EST)
This is a rerun of an earlier bit of Syfy silliness about the end of the world created by the titular site.
 
2012: Ice Age (Syfy, 9:00 PM EST)
I always knew those Icelandic volcanoes were trouble. The one in this film creates a new ice age.
 
Sunday
The Walking Dead (AMC, 9:00 PM EST)
Rick, Glenn and Hershel have to fight off both the undead and the treacherous living while Shane makes a play to rescue Lori.
 
Once Upon a Time (ABC, 8:00 PM EST)
David finally grows a pair and tries to break out of his marriage in an effort to be with Mary Margaret.
 
Comic Book Men (AMC, 10:00 PM EST)
No information on this, though I assume the second episode is just as weak as the first.
 
Land of the Lost (Syfy, 7:00 PM EST)
Syfy, you must remove this from your programming schedule posthaste and promise never to show it to us again. Ever.
 
Signs (Syfy, 9:00 PM EST)
Remember when M. Night Shyamalan made movies that didn’t suck? Good times…

COMMENTS AND RESPONSES

Showing items 1 - 10 of 25
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xenomorph 2/12/2012 4:07:40 PM

Transformers:Prime is back on saturday for it's 2nd season.

millean 2/12/2012 9:15:02 PM

 Not that the Hulk is mentioned anywhere above except in a passing reference, I watched Eric Bana's version yesterday as I was cleaning up around the house.  I always kind of liked the movie, but this was really the first time I've watched it since Norton's Hulk was released.  Gotta admit, it looks waaaay cheesier now that we have a higher standard to compare it to.  (Yes, I know this will not come as much of a news flash to most of you, but still...)

OK, Now for the article picture.  Trying to see if I can place all of the characters, and here is what I see: Arrested Development, Walking Dead, Scrubs, House, BattlestarGalacta, The Office, 30 Rock, Buffy, Dexter, Dr Who & HIMYM.  Still trying to place a few of the remaining ones... 

SarcasticCaveman 2/13/2012 2:25:52 AM

Glad to know somebody else enjoyed "Slither"...great take on the body snatching concept...gross, scary and hilarious...love it.

hanso 2/13/2012 3:35:59 AM

 millean, u r missing breaking bad, sherlock, heroes and dr.who if im not mistaken. guy in yellow is breaking bad, guy on top looks like dr.who, although i dont watch the show so might be wrong, guy beloow breaking bad is from sherlock and the cheerleader is claire from heros.  just a guess.                                                             ........... batman returns is garbage.  wat did penguin want to do in that movie besides bang chics?  run 4 mayor?  kidnap gothams first borns? destroy city using rocket penguins? wtf is returns about anyway?

Wiseguy 2/13/2012 4:26:07 AM

Seems like slim pickings this week for the most part

Watched comicbook men last night. Not great and I do hate pretty much all reality tv but even so I watched because it focuses on something I love or at least it's supposed to because there sure as hell wasn't a lot of comic book talk. But I'll be honest I'll probably watch next week too....partly because it comes right after Walking Dead and picking up the remote is such a chore

OK I have finally gotten around to watching The Wire on HBOGO. Nine episodes in and I must say it has lived up to all the hype it has gotten over the years. May be the coolest most realistic crime/drama I've seen, beats The Shield which was always a bit too over the top by a mile. Anyway trying to catch at least 1 episode a day if time permits, loving it so far.

hanso 2/13/2012 4:55:07 AM

 dude, the wire owns!  i think it maybe the greatest show ever made, no joke man. i say this because in one of the seasons they get away from the main cast, bring in new peepsand mange to get the best season of the series out of it.  whole thing is amazing.

karas1 2/13/2012 6:11:32 AM

I loved Friday's Supernatural.  Talk about your killer clowns!

*snerk*

TheMovieGuy28 2/13/2012 6:20:26 AM

 I'll 3rd Wise & Hanso-the Wire probably was the greatest show ever made, maybe only Deadwood could give it a run. I only got into it around the midpoint of season 3 (was never a NYPD/Hill Street Blues/The Shield type of guy), but the show is just so layered and complex, and you truly never knew where things were gonna go. And yeah, Hanso is right on, one of the seasons gets away from the main characters completely, but only makes you show just how great the writing, acting, and use of the city is...

And ha, I just realized the Mayor is Little Finger on Game of Thrones. HBO rocks

Hobbs 2/13/2012 6:47:54 AM

Someone please put Supernatural out of its misery.  It should have ended two years ago,  Sorry Kara but that was a horrible episode.  I would have given up on this show already if my wife didn't like it so much and even she thought it was bad last week.

Anyone else check out the River?  Had a lot of potential unti lthey tried to make it Paranormal activity with the shakey docu camera angle look.  They are trying to tap in on the young people with the whole reality tv paranormal activity thing.  Took me out of the moments and there is no way a tv series can be successful doing this, I'm making that call right here.  I couldn't even finish watching the thing it was driving me nuts.

millean 2/13/2012 7:08:16 AM

Shaky cam... must... die...

Never seen the Wire or Supernatural (and only one episode of Fringe, for that matter).  Just too much tv watching as it is, plus I don't get HBO (otherwise I might would check out the Wire).

Hanso, yep.  WTF is the Penguin doing?  Really, WTF was Burton doing?  I guess we can chalk it up to Burton being Burton.  (In fact, I'll bet Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter got uncredited cameos as penguins, if you do some digging.)

And thanks for help on the pic.  It annoyed me that I couldn't place some of the characters that I thought I should have known, but I didn't watch any of the series that I couldn't identify (except Heroes - couldn't tell the chick at the bottom was a cheerleader, or I would have nailed that one too.)  The only one I'm still wondering about are the dogs... (and the dude in front of the TV) :)

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