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TV Wasteland: Open up the Warehouse
Warehouse 13 returns for its summer run.
By Rob Vaux
April 29, 2013
Warehouse 13 is back! And more importantly, it’s also showing no signs of flagging. Starting out as a lighter, fluffier version of The X-Files, it quickly found its own rhythm and now acts as a marvelous tonic to the more self-serious sci-fi shows out there. The writing is crisp, the characters are fun, and while there’s a mythology involved in it all, you don’t have to obsessively tune in every week in order to keep up. There’s something to be said for that simplicity, which is why it remains one of our favorite shows here on the Wasteland. Check out the new season when it premieres Monday at 9:00 PM EDT on Syfy.
Revolution (NBC, 10:00 PM EDT)
Rachel continues towards the Tower, while Miles and Monroe have to deal with the reappearance of a mutual ex.
The Following (Fox, 9:00 PM EDT)
Season 1 ends with Ryan finally catching up with Joe. Don’t worry fans: Fox has already greenlit a second season.
Bates Motel (A&E, 10:00 PM EDT)
The Motel receives its first paying guest, which should be a considerable cause for concern.
Defiance (Syfy, 9:00 PM EDT)
Hellbugs arrive in Defiance; I’m guessing that means a cancellation of the annual square dance and possum shoot.
Warehouse 13 (Syfy, 10:00 PM EDT)
The new season begins with Artie lying close to death and the disease he released threatening to destroy the world. See the top of the article for more.
TCM 50’s Sci-Fi Marathon
Turner Classic is unveiling one of their typically awesome all-night genre fests, this time focusing on sci-fi from the 1950s. It starts with It Came from Outer Space at 8:00 PM EDT, followed by The Magnetic Monster at 9:30 PM EDT, Riders to the Stars at 11:00 PM EDT, The Power at 12:30 AM EDT, the immortal Creature from the Black Lagoon at 2:30 AM EDT and Tormented at 4:00 AM EDT.
Godzilla (AMC, 8:00 PM EDT)
Nothing awesome about this Roland Emmerich misfire, which features everybody’s favorite fire-breathing lizard hiding from choppers in the tunnels of New York
The Day the Earth Stood Still (FMC, 8:00 PM EDT and 10:30 PM EDT)
There is apparently no shortage of crappy remakes tonight.
Seeking a Friend for the End of the World (Cinemax, 8:15 PM EDT)
The apocalypse as a rom-com? Believe it or not, yes.
Contagion (Cinemax, 10:00 PM EDT)
Hey, the way things are going, this is less science fiction that a breaking news event waiting to happen.
Prometheus (HBO, 9:00 PM EDT)
This one too.
Silent Hill (IFC, 8:00 PM EDT)
Wait a minute; Sean Bean lives?!
The Hills Have Eyes (IFC, 10:45 PM EDT)
And… it’s the remake. Oh wait, the remake’s actually pretty good! As you were.
The Mummy (Spike, 8:00 PM EDT)
Along with IFC, Spike comes to save us from Crappy Remakes Monday. Way to go guys!
Weird or What? (Syfy, 9:00 PM EDT)
Syfy presents an all-new way to present complete hokum packaged as dodgy pseudo-science. The premiere episode is followed by a second one at 10:00 PM EDT.
Hulk (AMC, 8:00 PM EDT)
Ang Lee’s flawed but fascinating take on everyone’s favorite angry superhero has become an afterthought to the Marvel movie machine, but still one worth studying.
In Time (Cinemax, 10:00 PM EDT)
Justin Timberlake only has one day to live! Until he doesn’t. Wait, what?
Ella Enchanted (Disney, 8:30 PM EDT)
I’m seriously baffled by all the Anne Hathaway hate. But love her or hate her, she’s on with this fair-to-middling fairy tale from the Mouse.
Ice Age: Continental Drift (HBO, 8:00 PM EDT)
Part Fours don’t usually do so well, do they?
Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (Starz, 9:00 PM EDT)
Sometimes, you don’t even need to get to Part Four before your franchise starts sucking donkey balls.
Arrow (The CW, 8:00 PM EDT)
Oliver hopes to nab a criminal accountant who could lead him to Walter.
Supernatural (The CW, 9:00 PM EDT)
Kevin Tran sends the boys a video that points the way to the Third Trial.
Haunted Collector (Syfy, 9:00 PM EDT)
It’s a new episode. I won’t justify it with anything more than that.
Deep South Paranormal (Syfy, 10:00 PM EDT)
Again, all you need to know is that it’s new.
The Mask (ABC Family, 9:00 PM EDT)
For all the whiz-bang special effects on display, the real reasons to watch this film don’t need any embellishment. Their names are Jim Carrey and Cameron Diaz.
The Silence of the Lambs (Cinemax, 8:00 PM EDT)
It’s great to see this classic getting the love on premium cable.
Megamind (FMC, 7:00 PM EDT and 9:00 PM EDT)
If you ever need a break from the pomposity of straight-laced superhero movies, has Dreamworks got a movie for you.
Iron Man 2 (FX, 7:30 PM EDT)
The runt of the Phase One litter starts out great, then loses its way somewhere in the second half. Luckily, Iron Man 3 rebounds quite nicely. This one repeats on Sunday at 8:00 PM EDT and 10:30 PM EDT.
The Big Bang Theory (CBS, 8:00 PM EDT)
Sheldon hires a beloved children’s TV host to show up at his apartment… where he will presumably be sealed in Lucite and added to Sheldon’s collectibles.
Elementary (CBS, 10:00 PM EDT)
Moriarty is back with a new string of murders! Um, yay?
Hannibal (NBC, 10:00 PM EDT)
Jack Crawford makes the mistake of going to Hannibal for emotional support. We’re guessing it ends in tears and hurt feelings.
The Vampire Diaries (The CW, 8:00 PM EDT)
Damon and Stefan take an inhumane approach to reminding Elena of her humanity. Ironic.
Beauty and the Beast (The CW, 9:00 PM EDT)
Cat asks Gabe to a family get-together, where she discovers that her mom might not be dead after all. Seriously, there are probably worse outcomes to the scenario in question.
Identity (AMC, 7:00 PM EDT)
If Agatha Christie wrote Psycho, it would probably look a little something like this.
I, Robot (Cinemax, 8:00 PM EDT)
Alan Tudyk steals the show. That is all.
The Watch (Cinemax, 10:00 PM EDT)
Turning your wacky comedy about impotent suburban dads starting a neighborhood watch into an alien invasion scenario isn’t the greatest idea in the world.
Enchanted (Disney, 8:00 PM EDT)
Note: this is the one with Amy “Lois Lane” Adams, not the one with Anne “Catwoman” Hathaway.
X-Men Origins: Wolverine (FX, 7:00 PM EDT)
This is still the one with Hugh Jackman. We go another one coming in a couple of months.
The Game (Showtime, 7:15 PM EDT)
David Fincher’s mindbender about an aloof publisher inadvertently shoved into the mother of all mindfucks still ranks as one of the director’s best.
Resident Evil: Retribution (Starz, 9:20 PM EDT)
Milla Jovovich kills zombies in Russia. We think. But don’t hold us to it.
Saw V and Saw VI (Syfy, 7:00 PM EDT and 9:00 PM EDT)
Seriously, I’d love to meet someone – anyone – with the slightest interest in this double feature.
Touch (Fox, 9:00 PM EDT)
Aster pushes Calvin to deliver some friendly results in his study of the 36.
Nikita (The CW, 8:00 PM EDT)
One of Amanda’s little death monkeys gets his hands on Division’s black box.
Da Vinci’s Demons (Starz, 9:00 PM EDT)
Bechhi is arrested on charges of spying, while Leonardo flashes his gadgets in the middle of a city-state throwdown.
Merlin (Syfy, 10:00 PM EDT)
Oh boy… Merlin breaks the news about Gwen’s betrayal to Arthur. I’m guessing it’s going to be awkward.
Alice in Wonderland (TCM, 8:00 PM EDT)
This truly strange 1933 take on the classic story features an all-star cast and some of the most weirdly freakish sequences ever put on film.
The Goonies (ABC Family, 8:30 PM EDT)
Ah, the 80s… when you could believe that a plucky band of Oregon kids could stop corporate evil by discovering a pirate’s treasure. Also, Anne Ramsey is too awesome for words.
Galaxy Quest (AMC, 8:00 PM EDT)
Has anyone else ever secretly dreamed of seeing this scenario with the actual cast of Star Trek?
V for Vendetta (BBC America, 8:00 PM EDT)
Close, but no cigar boys.
Iron Man (FX, 7:00 PM EDT)
You know, Robert Downey Jr. is rather good in this role. Perhaps they’ll let him play it again. Repeats on Saturday at 10:00 PM EDT.
Wrath of the Titans (HBO, 8:00 PM EDT)
There’s another franchise flushed down the toilet…
War of the Worlds (TNT, 8:00 PM EDT and 10:30 PM EDT)
Steven Spielberg delivers an intriguing but deeply flawed take on the H.G. Wells’ classic.
Doctor Who (BBC America, 8:00 PM EDT)
The Doctor heads to Victorian England – a favored spot on the time line – when bodies turn up with a weird red glow. Confessions of a Neowhovian probably knows why.
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (HBO, 8:00 PM EDT)
Audiences stayed away from this historical horror movie in droves last summer. Me? I kind of dug it. Repeats on Sunday at 7:10 PM EDT.
Looper (Starz, 9:00 PM EDT)
On the other hand, if you only have one movie to look at tonight, this brilliant little time-travel twister is clearly the go-to choice.
Godzilla (Syfy, 8:00 PM EDT)
It’s switched stations! Run for your lives!
Planet 51 (Cartoon, 7:00 PM EDT)
Animated features don’t get any lazier than this tale of a human astronaut who lands on an alien planet, only to find himself pursued by the paranoid government there.
Dark Shadows (Cinemax, 6:45 PM EDT)
Cited for gratuitous misuse of Eva Green.
Red Eye (Cinemax, 8:30 PM EDT)
Wes Craven returns to form in a nifty little thriller about why you should never get an airline seat next to the guy who played the Scarecrow.
The Happening (FMC, 8:00 PM EDT and 10:00 PM EDT)
You’ve been briefed? On this movie and the sucking therein? Good, let’s move on.
X-Men: The Last Stand (FX, 8:00 PM EDT)
There’s good things here, but it would be best if Brett Ratner stayed the hell away from this franchise.
Once Upon a Time (ABC, 8:00 PM EDT)
New episode, nada on the info.
Game of Thrones (HBO, 9:00 PM EDT)
Robb has to show some flexibility in mending fences with House Frey while the Lannisters get involved in some new plot or another.
The Fantastic Four (Spike, 7:00 PM EDT)
They keep threatening to reboot this franchise, but I fear it’s a lost cause.
Hulk (Spike, 9:30 PM EDT)
And again with the channel-jumping.
Click (Starz, 9:00 PM EDT)
This exceeding stupid movie actually answers its own plot dilemma quite readily.
Red Planet (Syfy, 6:30 PM EDT)
Not a great film, but the robot is pretty awesome.
Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (Syfy, 9:00 PM EDT)
The last film Arnold made before becoming governor. Not bad, but not quite deserving of the Terminator in the title.