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TV Wasteland: Syfy Is Upon Us
On crappy name changes and the eternal paradox of a certain cable station By
Rob Vaux
July 06, 2009
The new Syfy brand launches. Imagine Greater.
© Syfy/Robert Trate
I seem to recall Noted Crank™ Harlan Ellison launching one of his patented screeds against the term "sci-fi" a few years ago, paying particular attention to the channel which bore that name. One hopes he keeps his heart pills nearby this week as SciFi changes to the roundly mocked, universally derided "Syfy" on Tuesday. That legions of fanboys and girls across the globe have taken turns punching the new term in the junk comes as no surprise, but they're joined by a number of unexpected figures such as Mitch Rubinstein, who founded the Sci-Fi Channel to begin with and who recently called the change "just plain dumb."
Indeed, the justification for the switch smacks of a corporate ethos deeply out of touch with its ostensible fan base. Channel president David Howe spoke of "global lifestyle brands" and "uniquely ownable trademarks" as if that somehow mattered to anyone outside of his particular boardroom. SciFi has scored its share of beloved shows over the years: BSG, Stargate, Farscape, Dr. Who and Mystery Science Theater 3000 to name a few. And yet many fans feel that those shows succeeded despite the channel they ran on, not because of it. (Three of the ones I mentioned originated on other channels, and the other two are better known for their creators than the "brand name" Howe was so eager to cement.) Say "Sci-Fi Channel" to the average viewer and they're apt to think of stunningly bad original movies, watered-down theatrical releases and vaguely relevant reality shows which, frankly, blow dead hobos. (Anyone else remember that hideous John Edward vehicle from a few years back?)
As if to sugar coat the pill, SciFi is premiering a new (decidedly science fiction-y) series to commemorate its momentous name change. Warehouse 13 plays like a more jovial version of The X-Files, as a pair of federal agents hunt down various supernatural relics for storage in the titular South Dakota facility. Its lighter tone likely makes for a smart choice amid the angst of BSG and its ilk, and the welcome presence of veteran character actor Saul Rubinek promises some decent one-liners at the very least. If it works--along with Eureka, which returns with new episodes on Friday--fans may forgive the goofy new channel name more quickly. On the other hand, their success would mark just more of the same from the station… prompting the question of why they bothered with the change in the first place.
Warehouse 13 premieres Tuesday the 7th at 9:00 PM EDT on Syfy. Eureka premieres Friday the 10th at 9:00 PM EDT on Syfy.
Monday
National Treasure (SciFi, 9:00 PM EDT)
SciFi bids farewell to its old name the same way it always has: by showcasing mediocre Hollywood product like this silly (though admittedly not unlikable) Nicolas Cage vehicle about a Masonic treasure hunter.
The Amityville Horror (AMC, 8:00 PM EDT)
James Brolin and Margot Kidder star in this wretched adaptation of a fraudulent bestseller about a manufactured haunting in a Long Island home, bolstered solely by the fact that said home actually exists and really bad (non-supernatural) things happened there once.
Tuesday
Warehouse 13 (Syfy, 9:00 PM EDT)
A new era begins--or doesn't--with the two-hour premiere of a new series about a storage facility holding all the world's wacky trinkets. See the top of the article for more.
Ancient Aliens (History, 8:00 PM EDT)
Of course, Syfy isn't the only station to program stuff with only vague connects to its chosen ethos. Behold the History Channel, rerunning a special about alien visitations thousands of years ago. It's all a run-up to…
That's Impossible (History, 10:00 PM EDT)
…a new show about technology which could make previously unimaginable abilities viable. They've selected "invisibility" for the opener, with similar bits of pseudo science presumably to follow.
Wednesday
MonsterQuest (History, 9:00 PM EDT)
When all else fails, MonsterQuest has a couple of stand-bys in its bullpen. Tonight's all-new episode focuses on the stand-byiest: Sasquatch.
Ghost Hunters International (Syfy, 9:00 PM EDT)
The second season begins with a trip to Ireland and an infamous 18th Century prison which doubtless holds its share of the restless dead.
Thursday
The Listener (NBC, 10:00 PM EDT)
Toby (Craig Olejnik) discovers a woman with healing powers… and together they form a team of superheroes sworn to protect a world which hates and fears them. (Okay, that last part was a lie, but don't tell me it didn't occur to you.)
Contact (TNT, 10:00 PM EDT)
Jodie Foster stars in a reliable-yet-turgid adaptation of the celebrated Carl Sagan novel, about a possible first-contact scenario and the ways society might react to it.
Friday
Eureka (Syfy, 9:00 PM EDT)
Technically, this is a continuation of Season Three, so it's not really a season premiere. Considering that there haven't been new episodes since September, however, it sure feels that way. See the top of the article for more.
Primeval (SyFy, 10:00 PM EDT)
The team has a traitor in its midst, which prompts Cutter (Douglas Henshall) to plant a trap that presumably doesn't involve velociraptors.
Batman: The Brave and the Bold is off. Clone Wars, Wolverine and the X-Men and Iron Man: Armored Adventures are in reruns.
Saturday
Kings (NBC, 8:00 PM EDT)
Bad news for David (Christopher Egan)--besides the fact that he's in a criminally ignored TV show, that is. He's on trial for treason, with Jack, Prince of Weasels (Sebastian Stan) running the show.
Eli Stone (ABC, 10:00 PM EDT)
Eli (Jonny Lee Miller) fears for those close to him when he experiences visions of a plane crash.
Eagle Eye (HBO, 8:00 PM EDT)
It's easier to stick with this Shia LeBeouf techno-thriller before you learn the big twist. After that, you'll mostly just snicker behind your palm.
Sand Serpents (Syfy, 9:00 PM EDT)
Yes, it's a whole new look for Syfy as they abandon their traditional Saturday-night POS in favor of an all-new, all-different Saturday-night POS (this one about U.S. soldiers fighting giant worms and the Taliban). See how much a name change can do for you?
Sunday
True Blood (HBO, Sunday 9:00 PM EDT)
Sookie (Anna Paquin) and Bill (Stephen Moyer) return from the July 4th hiatus to take a trip to Dallas, where a powerful vampire has disappeared.
Merlin (NBC, 8:00 PM EDT)
Morgana (Katie McGrath) falls ill… and that's apparently a bad thing because we're not bothering with fussy details like "canon" on this show.
Meteor (NBC, 9:00 PM EDT)
What is it with this recent rash of network disaster movies? NBC jumps back into the fray with a reworked version of the Armageddon scenario, as a giant meteor barrels towards Earth.
Wanted (Cinemax, 8:00 PM EDT)
Pleasures don't come any guiltier than Timur Bekmambetov's adaptation of the titular comic book, about assassins who drive fast cars and curve bullets around corners. Lara Croft notwithstanding, this may be the part Angelina Jolie was born to play.
The Skeleton Key (Syfy, 9:00 PM EDT)
Y'see, twist endings only work if they're not unspeakably lame, as this overheated slice of Southern Gothic demonstrates.
The Night of the Hunter (TCM, 7:00 PM EDT)
Anyone in the mood for some of that old tyme "good filmmaking" should check out this truly one-of-a-kind thriller/fairy tale about a very scary preacher (Robert Mitchum) pursuing two children who hold the secret to a hidden fortune.
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The name SyFy is StyPyd! Dammit are you ever gonna mention SPectacular SPider-man EVER! DAMMIT ROB! The series' second season currently airs on Disney XD in the United States with new episodes airing Monday nights at 7:30pm EST. That means today people!