No Vaginas For Michael - Mania.com



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No Vaginas For Michael

Ode to a frog on the afternoon of clean bedsheets - from The Egg

By Mary Magdalene Smith     April 19, 2008


Nuns Having Good Clean Fun!
© N/A
Auntie Stella and my Mum have been at the accountants all week for Year Rend, so Stella said that I can write the column this time as long as I behave myself and don't bloody swear, else Dark Jedi will delete me. Whatever.
 
I tried to register on the login so that I could talk to you guys but the bloody software wouldn't let me in. It's not fair what Stella said about my album, The Egg, it's well bangin'. Just nobody gets me because I'm ahead of my time, innit? So now I'm emailing with this awesome academic in New Jersey named Professor Hugh Payne about the medieval troubadours and the secret codes in the poetry of Jehan l'Ascuiz, which I'm setting to music. I fancy myself as a troubadour traveling around the world spreading enlightenment kuz everyone knows that the troubadours were all Sufi masters. Jehan l'Ascuiz also knew the truth about Joan of Arc, who was also probably a Sufi master. He started out in the Corbieres and ended up in Scotland, which makes complete sense when you know the whole story so you'll just have to buy the album.
 
But Auntie Stella said I have to explain to Michael the Maniac about Maranatha while I'm here. She said to tell him that all the underground groups like the Herrings and the National Treasure boys are mates and share information but, although she knows Duncan, the Maranatha group isn't part of the Herrings. The Herrings have very strict policies about not mixing money with secret knowledge. This is against the Rules of the Universe, innit? Stella says that she's been watching the complete crutterz what's happening to Duncan and that someone should tell him to call her again so that she can remind him that "Geburah is a Bitch" which is probably a bloody swear word, innit? So the way that the Maranatha discussion got onto the Mania forum is because Auntie Stella reviewed the Maranatha Puzzle book for another website and the discussion followed her here a long time ago and just kept going even though she can't post on the forum anymore.
 
Stella also said to tell Michael that he's going in the right direction but that it's not the destination that counts but the process of getting there what's important. She'll probably kill me for saying this but you guys should study the life of Sir Isaac Newton, who was also a Grand Master of the Priory of Sion, like Leonardo da Vinci. Newton even copied out the work of another Grand Master, Nicholas Flamel, by hand which is where the Maranatha word come from, innit? Of course everyone knows that the Priory of Sion tain't real, but all the Grand Masters can be navigated like a matrix, Stella's done it loads of times.
 
OK, guess I'm done here now. This new Mania site is well bangin', innit?

COMMENTS AND RESPONSES

Showing items 1 - 5 of 5
1 
afrointelligent 4/19/2008 8:59:59 AM
WTF and 'no', not feeling the new site yet.
michaelxaviermaelstrom 4/19/2008 10:08:12 AM
Dear Mary, I love Virgins. Come to big purple daddy. ------------------------- (you ol smoothy, ..eesh - Ed) Go Away Ed. WTF kind of world are we livin in when there's No Vagina for Michaels? Look Mary, as the founder of "The Michael Continuum" I would like to register this official complaint: *punch Ed in the face* and I'd like to eruditely state this: "This town needs an enema.," *pause* "only lower down then up a bit" "yes, right there, oo that's a nice one baby" v-*lower blind* (insert the sounds of seduction: you know, hammering, chain-sawing, Benny Hill chase music, an aardvark screaming, penguins dancing and birds moo'ing) ^-*raise-blind* So, *puff on Mr. Bubble pipe* what are you thinking? I'll tell you wot I'm thinkin Mary, I'm thinkin I have an IQ of 169 (allegedly, you know according to one of those online IQ surveys which are about as reliable as Commissioner Gordon's Joker-apprehension-squad junior-police-force anti-skidmark underwear -Ed) you'll pay for that later Ed *drop anvil on Ed's foot* (OW MOTHERF*CK - Ed) I lied about the Later part Ed. AND YET despite my having an IQ (allegedly - Ed) higher than Einstein's, after this clarification, I STILL don't 'ave a clearer freakin bloody clue wot all this is about. You know beyond my initial expostulate, which as near as I can tell has been _both_ simultaneously confirmed and denied. But I do love your style Mary. And of course, in particular, your virgin vagina. --michaelXmaelstrom.
michaelxaviermaelstrom 4/19/2008 11:03:45 AM
Addendum: After having consulted with my chef, the lawyers, Ann Coulter and a patent clerk I am now the proud founder of an ALL NEW tax-exempt organization! -------------- *don bathrobe* *mount unicorn* *gallop into Maniac Asylum center square* -------------- Hear Ye, Here Ye! "THE MICHAEL CONTINUUM" (apparently for people named Michael, (c)Maelstrom Ink -Ed) has now given birth to a sister organization! -------------- Yes, a new chapter (apparently dedicated to solving the plight brought to our attention in this article by "The Virgin ..At-The-Time-of The-Writing-Of-This-Article-But-We're-Not-So-Sure Now" Mary Magdalene Smith., yes, an organization whose time has uh come., dedicated to raising.. ..The Vagina-to-Michael ratio! - Ed) -------------- Yes, ladies and gentlemen, today is born: "THE MICHAEL CUNTINUUM" -------------- *Blow gazoo* -------------- Special consideration for prompt uh entry will be given to the uh ..*gaze down from unicorn* *reach down and pluck up applicant from crowd* ..private-girl-school-outfit-clad femmes. *gallop* *gallop* *gallop*
buzzkill 4/19/2008 2:28:36 PM
Please tell Auntie Stella to smack you hard for each time you used the word "innit"... OK, time to pick out the buzz words: "Year Rend". Obviously not a typo because you capitalized "Rend". And "Rend" can either refer to the "Sarkany Rend" - the old "Dragon Order" crowd that used to hang out with Lafosse, L. Gardner, and Sicky Nicky de Vere; or it can refer to the "Vitezy Rend" who put them out of business and sent Lafosse running home to his mum in Brussels. Have to think on this awhile. "Mary Magdalene Smith" and her album of Jehan L'Ascuiz poems is called "The Egg". I get the egg and Mary Mags bit, but Jehan is fictional. Troubadors. Uh, Gaston Phoebus, mebbe? The truth about Joan of Arc - hmm. Too late for Phoebus. Corbieres to Scotland - and back again? Freres-Aines? Gaston de La Pierre Phoebus? Or Gaston "le pere de" Phoebus, aka Gaston II? Still too early for Joan of Arc, unless we're talking about Roger Caro and HIS Freres-Aines. OK, wait - Flamel. Jean de Berry, Blanche d'Evreux, Agnes d'Evreux - ah, that brings us back to Gaston Phoebus. Mary Mags, you're too young to know all this shit.
buzzkill 4/19/2008 2:57:36 PM
DUHHH!!! (smacks own forehead) it took me a minute. Sarkany Rend. Dragon Order, but not Gardner's creation. "L'Emprise du Dragon", a quest, founded not by Gaston de Foix, but by Jean de Foix in 1446. OR - are we talking about the Enterprise of the Dragon's Mouth, a jousting tournament held by Rene of Anjou the same year, which was won, coincidentally, by Jean de Foix? But the one who knew the truth about Joan of Arc...I'm thinking Jean d'Armagnac here. That puts us right back in Freres-Aines territory though.
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