I want to fight Mike Epps...the comedian from the Friday movies.  I would defeat him by bludgeoning with an uprooted mail box util he moved no more.  After the mail box I rain down a series of kidney puches to make Mike Tyson envious only to finish him with a mortal kombat style fatality like ripping his rib cage from is body

The who - Michael Bay for all his terrible films like Pearl Harbor, Armageddon, The Island, etc., etc. and etc.

The How - How else...Torture!  First, I'd sew his butt shut and keep feedin' him and feedin' him.  Then I'd lay his balls out on the dresser (just his balls) and then I'd spike them with a Louisville Slugger!  Not totally original, but I felt the spirit of the 36th Chambers following through me this morning. 

Oh one last thing, I'd also pull a little Clockwork Orange on him and make him watch all his films over and over and over and over again until he has no other choice but to blow his brains out with the revolver I set on a table next to him.  Then of course he misery would continue and the gun was a fake and all that came out of it was a Flag that says "BANG!".  It's at this time that I would look up to him and I would pluck out each of his fingernails with a pair of pliers.  And when he finally just can't take it anymore, I take my sharpened DVD copy of Bad Boys and I'll slit his throat.  Then and only then will both his torture and ours finally come to a close.

I want to fight, dare I say it, Chuck Norris. I fight Norris by holding up a mirror to Chuck right before he round house kicks me. The sight of Chuck looking at Chuck would cause the man to explode due to the inability of Chuck Norris to handle his own greatness.

I would fight former president George Bush. Of course, the only way to defeat him would be to replay all of his televised speeches and press coverage over and over just to let him hear the bullshit that we the public had to endure during his reign of stupidity.

I'd fight a handicap match against Geroge Lucas and Stephen Speilberg. They both have committed many crimes against cinema. The history of my grudge against the two starts way back in the 90's with Speilberg's Jurrasic Park, he took a book that was great, and strip-mined it for names and a general premise and had the gaul to call it based upon the book. While the movie grew on me as a popcorn film I can not help but remember how horrible I felt walking out of the movie after seeing it the first time. The Lost World was more of the same feeling. His attrocities also include producing Bay's crap version of the Transformers and directing the ultimate let down film of 2008...Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

His tag team partner in this event has nearly single handedly destroyed my love for his own creation. The Star Wars prequel trilogy was a gut punch so terrible that it nearly soured my taste for the whole universe. That combined with the ludicrously stupid story of the most recent Indiana Jones film has made him a creature that devours the inner child of each and every one of his fans.

The match up is powerful soul crushing team, but not without their weaknesses. Speilberg has no ability to really represent anything for what it truely should be. He pulls so many punches in his films to make them happy or familly in the end that an inability to do anything of real substance left him way back in the 80's. Examples of his weak fortitude are inabilities to kill characters that died in books or should be dead like the idiot teenage son in War of the Worlds. And his inability to do anything with some grit or gratuity, the movie A.I. was his homage to Kubrick, but was a far far cry from his style. That film would have been a different beast under Kubrick's direction. Lucas deffinately is the stronger of the two with his abilty to crush souls because of how emotionless he is for the subjects of his films. He's reduced powerful iconic images to bland cardboard shells. However an inability to do anything that doesn't involve blue or green screen may be an advantage. He might not be able to choose a direction to go when faced with reality anymore.

So I would climb into the ring with the two and face off against them with the inspiration they once had. Both had at one time created, in stead of destroyed, and I would face them with that inspiration. Perhaps I would have enough power to redeem them like Vader, pulling them back from the pits of the darkside and resurecting what was once good in them. I'd blindside them with powerful sharks, aliens, and even the Goonies. Anything that they had once been a part of  was still good in them. I would face them down with better ideas than the ones they vomitted up recently and hopefully they would tap out in submission realizing the pain they have caused. If not If not I would conjure up what should have been in all these films. Climbing into my doomsday robot I'd vaporize layers off spielberg until he was that 15 year old boy that should have died in War of the Worlds, and then kindly tell him, "Smile you son of a bitch!" and unleash the power of the ark of the covenant upon him and watch him destroyed by the power of God. As for Lucas it would undoubtedly be the two of us dueling it out over a field of lava, our lightsabers clashes and him trying to crush my soul for all he's worth. At the opportune moment however, I'd toss him an acorn which he would catch in his hand. He's wonder at it a moment as if it were something familiar, before he watched it turn him to stone. As he looked up to me in horror as the last of him petrified I say, "Should've done Willow trilogy! Willow was the bomb yo!" and kick his sorry but into the lava. The end.

Ok, I'd like to go one on one with the Queen of Hearts, from Disney's Alice.   I don't know why, but the idea has always been strangely satisfying to me.   I'd eat the mushroom to get all giant size, but instead of calling her names like Alice does, I'd step on her with a satisfying squish,

Opponent: George Lucus

I would fight him at ILM and of course we could use LightSabers.

The ass kicking would comence as soon as I saw him - I would take out all my frustrations for making episodes 1-3 suck as a whole. And especially for creating Jar Jar Binks. After the fight I would remind him that he would get another ass kicking each year until he started on episodes 7-9 and the beat downs would double up if they sucked too.

*Any* person in history, real or imaginary? Any scenario allowed to defeat said person?

Erm. The Axis powers. However, I would not defeat them because of any alturistic purposes, but because they were in the way of proper organization of the world. By this, I mean, appointing myself the head of the one and only government of Mankind (and not-Mankind). Thus, my ev- erm, loyal troops will defeat theirs in a fairly short war.

 I'd go after the pesky smurfs...  The little blue pests  should be eliminated...  1 Queen with countless drones, like a colony of ants.  Gargamel got a bad rap for certain!

hmm who would i fight...so many to choose..i I will choose Wonder woman!! perhaps the greatest and most powerful female super-hero of all time!As for defeating her I dont know i guess I could some how set up some kind of kamikaze attack,  a nuclear warhead at point blank could to the trick or I would beat her by wining her heart by confessing how much I love and adore her and would do anything for her yes that sounds nice lol