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Wolverine's Way with Women

Comicscape: Wolverine's Way with Women
© Mania

Wolverine is one of the most popular characters in comic books today. So popular that he currently appears in about a billion books with an X in the title and a billion more that don’t. He’s so popular that the current X-Men cartoon is actually called Wolverine and the X-Men. When the X-Men movies were finally greenlit, the rest of the team had to take a backseat to this formerly supporting character.

And not only is he popular with the male fan base, he’s a hit with the ladies as well. We know that chicks dig the bad boy, but what else could draw them to a character like Wolverine? We have our suspicions, and it ain’t just because of Hugh Jackman...

Excessive Body Hair

When Wolverine was created in the 1970s, body hair was all the rage. Hippies let their freak flag fly and their hair grow long. Sideburns, beards and mustaches were everywhere and no one exemplified this trend better than Burt Reynolds and his comic book counterpart, Logan.

Hair has long been a symbol of virility – Nothing says manly like a clogged drain in a bachelor’s shower. Samson got his super-power from his hair and guys like Burt Reynolds followed suit. He was one of the highest paid actors of the 1970s due in no small part to the fact that even when he took his shirt off, he still wore a sweater. Women wanted him and men wanted to be him. Apparently running your fingers through the luxurious locks on a dude’s shoulders was a big turn-on in those days.

And along came Logan. Stumbling out of the Canadian backwoods like a drunken lumberjack, Wolverine took body hair to new levels. He actually resembled a small woodland creature, which undoubtedly led to an increased desirability from the female fanbase. Who wouldn’t want to cuddle with a smelly little furball who’d been out in the forest for three weeks hunting small game? Mystique, Elektra, Dazzler and even the high-and-mighty Jean Grey have all taken turns braiding Wolvie’s back hair. Given the amount of books he appears in on a monthly basis, we have to assume that sooner or later every woman in the Marvel U will fall prey to Wolverine’s follicular charms.

And why not? It worked for Burt and it continues to work for countless rock n’ rollers around the world. Do you think Lemmy gets laid because of those oh-so-sexy warts that God saw fit to slap on the middle of his face, or do you think it’s because of his rockin’ sideburns? Metrosexuals be damned – chicks dig hairy backs. Just ask Logan.

The Claws

Ninjas have swords, Batman has Batarangs and Wolverine has adamantium claws honed to the point that they’ll cut through anything. Blades are cool. They come in handy during battles with super villains, but they’re also quite helpful around the house.

Got a sweater with a loose thread? You know if you pull it, you’re eventually going to unravel the whole sweater. Not a problem when Wolverine is around. Concerned about the fact that you’ve got one eyebrow that stretches from ear to ear? Wolverine can fix that for you. And how about those disposable razors that go dull after one or two uses? You’ll save a lot of money living in the X Mansion with a guy like Wolverine. And despite the tough guy attitude he likes to give off, Logan is really just a lonely guy at heart, which is exactly why he’ll be so easily duped into taking on tasks like this.

A Commitment to Style

Even when he was a boy living in the Canadian wilderness at the turn of the century, young James Howlett displayed an uncanny sense of fashion, wearing the finest pantaloons and looking like Little Lord Fauntleroy. As time went on, he picked up on a keen bit of fashion sense: some looks never go out of style. Blue jeans, a white t-shirt and a leather jacket worked for James Dean and Marlon Brando back in their heyday just as well as they work now. Logan obviously took this advice to heart and has likely been wearing the same blue jeans, white t-shirt and leather jacket since the 1950’s.

But it isn’t just his sense of style; it’s his commitment to making it work. Let’s take his mask, for instance. It’s a distinctive pointy cowl that has come to be known as one of Wolverine’s trademarks. While other heroes and villains, such as Hawkeye or the Grand Director, have worn similarly styled masks, no one else has worn it with such pride and dedication as Wolverine. He has even gone so far as to style his hair in the shape of his mask! That is dedication. That is commitment. Say what you will – that’s marriage material and the ladies know it. If a man is so dedicated to an idea that he will go to great lengths such as this, that’s a man who will stand by you to the bitter end. You don’t see Captain America, for all his vaunted dedication to a set of ideals, sporting a wing-tipped hairstyle, do you? No you do not!

Fads may come and go, but Wolverine has been sporting that same hairstyle and killer sideburns since long before the X-Men were even a glimmer in Charles Xavier’s eye. He knows what works for him and he stays with it. Enough body hair to make Chewbacca jealous, built-in ginsu knives and an honorable dedication and perseverance that would put a samurai to shame: these are but three of the myriad of reasons why the ladies love Logan.

Coming Soon to Comicscape: Give our regards to the Atomsmashers! Or: Top Five Reasons why Puny Parker can’t get a date!